I am just about to throw dirt on me, my family, my fellow blogger, and my blog.All things I do love very dearly.If you have no interest in other people’s family talk because you are quite tired of your own, I will understand if you missed reading this post.
Fact: Exam in four days, no time for socialising. Sad character: EU
Fact: My family doesn’t know I maintain a blog, except my mum.But she doesn’t care.
Fact:I have a very large family that I really do love.
Until now that is….
Venue:A cousin’s flat in a nice suburb of Mumbai.
I arrive just in time for lunch.I am just about to serve a dahi bhalla..which happens to be one of my favourite things on the menu this afternoon.That is when my niece who is by the way 2 years older than me drops in a dreaded question..
Hot niece(HN): So where do you blog?
EU:What? Blog? Me? Are you kidding me? I don’t blog?
HN: Oh but Mr Hot shot (HS) said he knows you because you are fellow bloggers.
EU:Oh you spoke to Mr HS. He is nice ain’t he?
Mum: Hot niece knows HS?
Me:Yeah I introduced them. *smug smile*
Hot niece: So where do you blog?
Old Mamaji*( Hot niece’s grandfather who at 83 lives eats breathes stock market): What is a blog?
EU:Mamaji a blog is like an online diary. Over the internet?
Papa:(Mine that is): But you wirte a diary.Is that not good enough?
20 something nephew: You have pictures of you on the internet.Whoa…
EU: No I am pretty anonymous.No pictures. Blog is different from my personal diary papa.
Concerned aunt that I am still single:But what are you doing introducing a single guy to your very single old niece.You are single too aren’t you?
I am now having a hard time balancing that bhalla with all its dahi* dripping and wondering if I will ever be able to bridge the gap between where my hand is right now and my plate.
Mum is staring into me at this point..
EU: What?? *shrugs shoulder* He thought she was hot.
Mum:And you still want to eat a whole dahi bhalla.When will you start looking out for yourself?
EU: Hey you wouldn’t want some random guy to approach your daughter just because she is hot.
Mum, shoots a not so nice look at me.
EU: Oh cmmon mum?
If looks could kill I could have been vulture fodder by the look in the eye of the hot niece’s mother..
HNM: So you introduce my daughter to sleaze balls?
EU: That is not right.He is a very good friend of mine.He is educated, smart, well placed and he is a gentleman. With a very good sense of humor I might add.
20 something niece: Is he hot too?
EU:He is out of your league kid..
20 some thing nephew: Apparently your’s too….he didn’t think you were hot.. gwaffes..
EU: Sh** u* you guys.He is my friend.
Mum: But you have only met him once.
EU: Technically twice..
HN’sM:You don’t even know this guy.
Hot niece’s rich dad: How much does he earn?
EU: How does that matter? He has huge potential.And I do know him.Can I get my dahi bhalla back? ….which is now in my mum’s plate. She is pouring saunth all over it..She is smiling and I can feel excruciating pain surging in me..
Hot niece’s dadi: Of course it matters how much he earns.How does he look?
HN’sF: And what does he do again?
HN’s grand dad: Is he interested in stock market?
Papa (mine that is):But why do you need to blog..don’t you have friends?
EU:Just being creative papa. I do have friends. He looks alright.I actually don’t remember how he looks.Yes mamaji he does appear to be interested in the stock market who also , now looking at HN’s F..loves his scotch just like you do and he is into conning companies out of their money just like you. EU getting very defensive at this point.
22 some thing niece: He sounds like the answer to all my prayers.
EU: He is half a decade older than you..now a little irritated
Old mamaji(2): All that is ok..but why do you need to get creative? You are a doctor..
Some body slightly high on scotch, I didn’t recognise: It is called plastic surgery.
Everybody: Laughs!! I smirk..
EU:It is fun..I’ve written poems and short stories..People enjoy reading what I write..
Papa,(mine that is): Really??? eyes popping out
HN: He looks alright? I thought you said he was real sexy.
EU: He has a real sexy voice I said. Yes papa.. really.. people do read my blog. They leave comments or emails.
16 some thing niece:Like fan emails.? *sweetest smile I have seen all day*
EU: No I wont call them fans, but yeah I get emails from people I don’t know.
Hot niece:So where do you blog?
EU:You just want to get dirt out on me.I am not telling ya..Can I get any food???
Mum: with her plate clean of my dahi bhalla. But I thought you said HS was married?
4/5 people yelling at the same time: WHAT??
EU: He will be..EVENTUALLY….Single men need to be protected from this family..can’t you see..
Hot niece: So where do you blog?….
Mamaji* : mother’s brother
Dadi*: father’s mother.