Breathe: Let go..

It always amazes me when I meet people by chance after several months or years, only end up telling me that they have had issues with me. A grudge carried for all that while. A bone to pick with me. Or some one else for that matter.

My first thought is why didn’t they bring it up when things had actually gone bad. Why wait for all that time to pass by. Did they not want to sort things out at that time. What stopped them from coming out in the open. If they still think of it, after all this time it must be important enough to them. If it was that important how come they didn’t do anything about it.

It is never easy having a difficult conversation. But don’t you think sometimes it is essential. If you want to keep that relationship, wouldn’t you want to come clean?

I can understand wanting time off. I think that is a huge relationship saving concept. But don’t people realise that may be this person that you are upset with is actually giving you time off because they have no clue what is wrong and are only giving you space and time because they think that is what you need. They would love to help, but you really have to let them.

Then time passes by, and so does life. People move on. You would hope that they would too. Only to be confronted after eons have passed by. But really who is accountable for the void? The gaps? The lack of communication? The loss of a friendship? The uncomfortable silences? The confusion? The pain?

Honestly, if you didn’t do anything about it then, then leave it now.Do everyone a favour and let go of the grudges. Life is too short, to burn so much oxygen over bygones.

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20 Comments

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20 responses to “Breathe: Let go..

  1. San

    People should be honest as much as they can, you’re right there’s no point dredging up the past so many months down the line when all could’ve been easily sorted earlier. I’ve found myself in this situation a number of times where an acquaintance/friend has come up and raised an issue that I felt was very insignificant however to them it was a big deal.

    If it was so important why couldn’t we discuss it then? Why wait and let the awkward silences build up destroying any chance we have of moving forward.

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  2. I believe that some people hold on to grudges to use the later as a weapon. My ex-wife did frequently. For example, eighteen years after the birth of our youngest son she dropped on me that, after his birth and I had left her to telephone the good news to our families, she had begun to bleed internally and had to be returned to the delivery room. She never mentioned this before; she had waited to use it against me on the day I learned that she was fair an affair with a guy in her therapy group. That’s not fighting fair!

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  3. Very true. Life is too short to hold grudges forever. And if you have issues with someone, then the earlier you speak up and clarify things the better. It never ever pays to harp on it at a later date.

    Nick: yes, i guess some people do use them as a weapon. and it just ain’t fair! hope we can steer clear of such people as much as possible.

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  4. Dont get mad … get even … Next time they tell u that theyve always hated you , you tell them how much they suck in life, insult their family and if possible hurt them physically …

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  5. Hmmmmmmmm. Maybe because at that time they dont want a confrontation?

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  6. San

    @ Casa

    Then let it go .. it’s not right holding it within yourself for so many months/years etc

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  7. San:
    I believe most harm is done unknowingly, yet we find it hard to confront this person.I have found by my own experience, if some thing is bothering me and I let the other person, most times they didn’t know that some thing they did could have had such an affect.That helps me move on and them too. I have also had people tell me to deal with it as they could not help me in that matter. I think that is a fair enough response. At least then you know what you are dealing with.

    Nick:
    That is so self destructive. What did she get after holding that grudge for so long. A broken marriage?? Her loss all the way.I’m sure you didn’t mean to abandon her.She should have kept that faith, atleast then she could have got you to do dishes for a whole year. :p I do think such behaviour comes out of insecurities.How ever harsh this may sound, I think you are better off without such people in your life.

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  8. LazyLeo:
    I can understand some times it gets tough to talk about it.Be honest without the fear of being judged.But if one cannot do anything about it, then let go.Don’t brood.

    Ford Prefect:
    If I had to compile and make a list of all the advice I have got from you over the last several months, I could put together an award winning “Dummies guide to hell”

    Casablanca:
    Fearing a confrontation is legitimate. It is painful and hurtful. If time is expected to be a healer then let it do it’s job. It isn’t nice to bring up a burning issue after months only because you feel stronger and more equipped to deal with the situation.The other person too has gone through his wondering and musing.If we let it pass by once, let it go for ever.

    San:
    I fully agree.At the end the only person getting afftected is us.No one else can dream of what is eating us up inside.

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  9. I often don’t point things out to ppl coz i’m afraid i’ll hurt them. In the past, I found it difficult to deal with the burden myself. Now i’ve realized that if i don’t tell them, i can’t expect to resolve it myself. Then i just need to let it go.

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  10. If one forgets history, then one is doomed to repeat it.

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  11. very well said. such pain burdens the soul and saps all vitality

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  12. u have got to findout why they are upset too babe, thats one end of responsibility, rather than sit wonder whats wrong, and ‘give time off’

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  13. Yes but sometimes you need closure, even if it is months later.

    No I am not suggesting it is the right thing to do, I am just offering an explanation to why this happens some times…

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  14. Little Miss Muffet:
    I agree some times it is the battle between who gets hurt more.Some times putting one self first appears selfish.And most people even conspire to make you feel like you have been selfish, but you just have to do what you have to do.Can you deal with your feelings or will the pent up emotions ruin your relationship? Where do you want to strike that balance, is a question you need to ask yourself.

    Greensatya:
    This post isn’t about forgetting the past and not learning from it.Of course one should. But there is a difference between remembering your past to learn from it and holding on to it, only to cause more pain anguish and broken relationships.There is a difference between the 2.I hope it makes sense to you.

    Ajay:
    I agree, negativity has done no one any good and in the end what goes around does come around.

    Apy:
    I should have deleted your link like a month back.I would have seen you before.Where have you been? How are you?

    Casablanca:
    Closure is a state of mind, not an act.One might need to do certain things to attain closure holding on to grudges doesn’t appear to be one of them.I wish for people to know that.

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  15. I know, and reading it makes it maybe easier to understand.
    and i guess what I’m saying is thank you I needed to know.

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  16. San

    ah yeah Casa I agree there – sometimes we keep it in us and think we can move on and let things be but realise it’s important to get things clear before we can freely move on

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  17. Karuna:
    Awwe, you are welcome.

    San:
    Sometimes we don’t get to clear things with the other person, then what?

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  18. Apy

    hey EU.. its a long story.. after comin back to India, life s been a rollercoaster ride… u have no idea how much I missed blogging… read ur posts weneva gt some time but neva commented.. was always running..had (still have) a lot of things on my mind.. no clue where did the time go. These days i have pushed myself hard to take out some time for blogging.. (sorry about writing a mail in comments section… was not sure about ur email id 😛 )

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  19. Apy;
    You can write to me at educatedunemployed@gmail.com..
    So obviously you didnt get any of my emails.Well nice to know you are alive and kicking.Good luck with it all.–>

    Like

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