It is all the stars’ fault I tell ya..

I am not sure why I wanted to become a doctor.I cannot pin point a source of inspiration or motivation.I do know some doctors that I have looked up to from an early age.I think I was tricked at wanting to become one.Funny how theory of suggestions work.Now I believe there is nothing else I can do, or even hope to be good at.

No I am not saying I am a good doctor.No one is ever good or bad.The decisions one makes are right or wrong.So much like life itself.One learns with time.What is important that one continues to make those decisions.No one is born with a healing hand.Trust me that doesn’t happen in Allopathic medicine.Practice is the key.

A medical student learns after rigourous reading of gazzillion fat books.We learn what the body is made up of.How it normally functions and what can possibly go wrong.If something does go wrong what can we possibly do to help.Really all a doctor does is help.It is you and your body that gets you better.

In my third year I was worried if I would know which part of the body my patient is talking about.If my patient was talking about pain in the chest would I know it is his heart or his lungs?Think about it, if some one has tummy ache, there is a stomach,liver, spleen, 2 kidneys,pancreas, not to mention about 7 meters of intestines, and still so much more.How the hell is one supposed to know what is really hurting.I got no X-ray vision and I got no super powers.I wasn’t the only one with that fear and doubt.Oh and incase you are now totally worried about those useless doctors, we do learn in time how to recognise the symptoms. Don’t you worry. Breathe.

It irritates me when people go, oh wow you are a doctor.Really what is so wow about this profession.We study 5-7 years to get a basic degree depending on which system of education one studies in.That degree leaves us in a worse position than a BSc graduate.My options after graduation, getting a job in some small hospital which will fetch me salary less than my mother’s home help.Beating a gazzillion people in the Indian post graduate system to get into a PG programme.Coming abroad, cost, visa, licencing exams.There is no end to it.

Well what ever I do, I am not going to be established for another 5-6 years after my first degree.While most of my school friends are well established, married, and already making plans for a retired life.Mine hasn’t even begun yet.When I say mine in this context,I talk of my brethren.

I am not even looking at the personal front.Mine to be specific.Don’t even think there is a personal front anymore.

So then what makes me love my job.What makes me so passionate about being a doctor.Good question if you ask me.I don’t really know.

I do know, it isn’t a place for everyone.I am not being big headed about it.I’ve known some one for last 3 years.He breathes, eats,sleeps, talks, lives surgery.If you ask me, I think he is born to be a doctor.I have seen him interact with his patients, I have seen his work, I know about his research interests.He belongs here.However only recently did I get to know that he is planning to do an MBA and change careers.I don’t think anything has shaken my confidence as much as learning about his decision did.Life is tough, it never promised to be otherwise.I think he has buckled under that pressure.I hope it is momentary.I don’t know if I ever will.

I would remain a doctor only if I really had it in me.I know that exams aren’t over yet.They never will be.Each patient is an exam.You pass it, because failing isn’t an option.That MD badge on your lapel earns you the trust of absolute strangers, when so many times it is so hard to even trust your closest of friends and family.You get the chance to make a difference in some one’s life every single day.Being a doctor isn’t about being smart or intelligent even.It is about patience, persistence and perseverence. It is about strentgh of conviction and character.It is about never giving up. It is about that adrenaline rush and drive.

I am still not convinced actually.I do wonder if I should start believing in Rahu kaal and planetary and star positions and the science of Divination, because I don’t really know what I was thinking when I decided to become a doctor.It must be the stars I tell ya..


Filed under Life

20 responses to “It is all the stars’ fault I tell ya..

  1. Anonymous

    Madam,got to know about your blog from Katie.We need to talk about this.Actually we need to talk about a lot of things.Call me, am back from India.


  2. Voila, it’s raining posts on your blog and what a cute one was this.
    Maybe we don’t consciously choose our professions and careers, although we may boast about it one day. Or maybe we do, somewhere deep down. Whatever the case, i believe, we can love what we do—their’s fun and humour in the most bland thing out here.
    Loved this post–it’s heartwarming.
    And loved the above comment from that dumb guy.


  3. A bit confused about your career aye .. Now that sounds so familiar ;-)…


  4. P:
    Oh no, why r you back.There was much peace and quite when you were away….:P
    Lol..and my friend Vishwa just called you dumb.It doesn’t take people time to know ya, now does it.

    Raining posts?I wished.True that, one never really knows what makes us chose what we do.Dare I ask, why did you call my friend dumb?

    Ford Perfect:
    Not confused really.Just tired for now.


  5. Sometimes I wonder too…
    I dont quite believe in the stars but sometimes i wonder…
    Its always all good though… 🙂


  6. This is a post I can totally relate to, being the son of two GP’s meself. 🙂 I’ll stop now, because otherwise I really will go on and on and on. Heal the world I say! 😀


  7. I’m reminded that medicine is generally termed an occupation that one “practices,” like law. It was the same for me as a psychotherapist: I had a practice. One can only assume that the more one practices the better one becomes—until burnout sets in, of course.


  8. Nice blog, visiting it for the first time and will now try and come in regularly


  9. Sometime back my granddad get very serious, I rushed him to a hospital,a minute’s delay and anything could happen….
    It was late at night so there were some young medical inters in the opd (must be my age)…
    seeing the tense situation, they immediately took control,
    I didn’t know what they did, that night………
    but i can never stop praying for them……
    And that’s why whatever u say it’s the most meaningful profession


  10. Karuna:
    :), all is well that ends well I suppose.

    Really?and they still let you become an architect.Wow nice to see you didn’t have to face those professional pressures at home.Hmm,I should stop now I could be going off so wrong.
    But you are allowed to go on and go on, you know that right.

    SometimesSaintly Nick:
    Wow,you seem to have done quite a few things.Never did I think from that perspective.


    Is your Grand dad feeling better now?
    Can I ask you some thing? God forbid, some thing had happened to your grand father that night.Same doctors, same thinking,same effort.Would you be able to understand that they did their best in their capacity, and yet it was out of their control?


  11. if you are thinking so much abt the profession, means that it means something to you? dunno; but i guess you’ll enjoy the struggle – in retrospect 🙂


  12. Atul:
    I will tell you about it in time to come.


  13. EU, you know what ? I read this post of yours yesterday and that got me so much of thinking. Do we always get the career what we wish for. In my case I was conscious all the time what I wanted to do but still could not. I guess life does not give that much of freedom. But if someone becomes a doctor then there is nothing to rue.

    And the ‘trust’ about doctor what you said is so true. I have been through one incident last year so I know what that ‘trust’ is. As you said becoming a doctor is hard and you have to let go several good things. But the heartfelt and sincere gratitude a doctor gets is unmatched in any other profession.

    Thank you for becoming a doctor.


  14. Greensatya:
    Well I’ve wanted to become a doctor ever since I remember.I do know a lot of people who don’t get as lucky with careers as I did.But it hasn’t come easy.The struggle isn’t over yet.I have almost resigned it never will be.But that is ok, I love my job.
    GS..I believe in some thing, no matter what you do, do it well and only that will bring you true satisfaction.No better pleasure than a job well done.


  15. Keep the faith lady. Doctor or director, you are nothing if you are not passionate and totally committed about what you are doing. Yes, you will see people around you losing hope, giving up, and walking away for ‘greener, more relaxed, less turbulent pastures’, but as long as the fire to excel at your work is alive inside you, such things will not deter you from your path. People choose their own destinies, some do it early on, some ‘discover’ it in due course of time. You, methinks, have chosen yours well! As i said, keep the faith 🙂

    May the Force be with you.


  16. Obi wan:
    Thanks.I couldn’t agree more.


  17. U shud be a good doc EU.


  18. Standing ovation…!


  19. nice post…and yet a doctor will always be ‘that’ person capable of making any pain go away…there is only one other entity considered capable of doing that…


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