07.31.08
I breathe, I live.
I’ve been a bad girl last weekend. Revealed well kept secrets. Drank too much beer. In that order. Took the liberty. Got drunk.I was with a friend. It was liberating to know, I didn’t have to take care of me. Calculate my words. Judge myself. Being bad last weekend was the best thing I have done for myself in years.
I’ve adopted a new family. My Spanish language basic level course classmates. We have been growing together for the last 6 weeks. Learning to spell, write, speak and even sing. We are learning about new countries, new culture, different history and very different people. And yet we share a sense of belonging to this other world non of us have visited. Each member has a story of their own. A different energy. Another life beyond the one we have started in this class. I love this new family. Reminds me how much there is in this world beyond me.
My faith is shaken. So am I. What does one deserve? Really? Death? Failure? And why? When? Who decides and what is the criteria. If it was alright why do I feel the way I do? I don’t have answers but I know that in time I will see differently. As, I will know better. Like they say, what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger. I know this too shall pass.
Life is happening. I am glad. These days it doesn’t really take much for it to be taken away.
07.28.08
Not just the why.
Some times just knowing the why is not enough. One needs to know the what too. Clarity in goals is as essential as having goals themselves.
Some times I find it hard to pin-point. Those time I find it equally hard to achieve.
07.27.08
Nurturing is a lot of responsibility. It entails providing the best within one’s means. It also entails teaching the difference between right and wrong. Probably one of the most challenging feat. Not only does one need to know what is right and wrong for himself( as this matter itself is debatable) but also be able to assert themselves.
Assertion does not mean arrogance. When there is belief in one’s conviction, being clear becomes far more important than being loud. Lack of expression too is a form of assertion. Maturity to know the difference, is not an easy attribute to acquire.
When is it right to assert. When does one let the other fall. Knowing it is important for others to learn to rise.
07.22.08
The fine lines.
When asking for help. Where do you stop. When do you start becoming a nuisance?
When reaching some one via an email. Do you write at each address you know or trust the one you know is commonly used.
Not reacting to an irritant might eventually end a relationship any way. Would you risk telling the truth to avoid future misunderstandings.
Pessimism is a view point so is being practical. One is not synonymous with the other. As one still harbours hope.
Attention and being over bearing. Really really fine line there.
Vote of confidence.
Has any one been following today’s proceddings at the Lok Sabha?
It is scary and disappointing to see who it is that represents our country. The complete lack of discipline and disregard for the speaker is appalling.
Will some one please tell these people, being loud and rowdy does not translate into being right. If this is what represents the chosen one, no surprise the country is in a state of chaos.
I don’t see any point in telling each rickshaw driver ( some thing I think is my moral and social responsibility) that his meter runs at a wrong rate or his constant attempt to take me through windy routes wont make him rich. The indiscipline is much deeper routed.
Sigh!
A five pointer
The tag: What you have to do is simple: Post 5 links to 5 of your previously written posts. The posts have to relate to the 5 key words given : family, friend, yourself, your love, anything you like. Tag 5 other friends to do this meme. Try to tag at least 2 new acquaintances (if not, your current blog buddies will do) so that you get to know them each a little bit better.
Was tagged by Atul. I promised to be prompt. Amusing, this entire blog is all about me, my friends, and family and all the things I like or love and yet it has taken me some time to get back.
Now I have. And now it is time for me to tag you.
So here you go and I really do hope you keep this tag alive.
The new acquaintances here
07.20.08
Anguish.
I have unread books piling up. I have taken up a herculean task of catching up with 30 years of reading back log. I have finally managed to get over my mental block of buying books. Books lie unattended. I feel bad for depriving them good company. I wonder if I even deserve to be in their company when I seem to do them no justice.
Have been working on applications for residency in the United States. This process has been very long and tiring for me. Some people I know have been closely associated with this. I wonder how long they will hang on to hopes and dreams. Mine that is. Some times just for their sake I hope this works out for me.
People don’t make sense to me. How do they get by with their hypocrisy and spinelessness.
Relationships are worse. Move in with me because I want this to work makes for a really awkward conversation. I like my space so much, I wonder if I can have my own apartment when I do decide to commit. Am I chicken or he is just not the right man, I wonder.
I feel lost when it comes to Indian politics. Enough said!
I have joined a language course that is completely ruining my command over other languages. This is not how it was meant to be.
And this isn’t me ranting. I assure you. 
07.19.08
Paranoia
Incomplete information is a dangerous thing. Like that of a doctor. A physician only knows the ill-effects of bad life style aka lack of exercise, smoking, alcohol binges, drug abuse.A physician after studying for a minimum of eight years cannot fathom the romance of a smoke, or the freedom of expression in a painting. What he sees or perceives is what he is trained to. This limitation is frustrating at times.
Combining the effect of limited knowledge with an even limited perception of everything around us creates a paradox. Most people inspite of knowing better or knowing it all tend to do exactly what they know they shouldn’t. Doctors included. The reason I am using doctors as an example is because I have noticed that some how doctors have the onus of knowing it all, doing it all and being the most noble. Nothing makes me laugh more as I think given a chance doctors know the least, live in the most delirium and are probably the most arrogant of the lot inspite of being the least paid community in our society.
So be irked with me for having issues with people smoking, refuse to listen when I fuss about need for diet control when the sugar in your body is affecting your nerves or call me non-philosophical when I see a disturbed mind associated with an abstract painting. 16 year olds have alcohol related liver issues, 24 year olds have been admitted for an athersclerotic mini stroke, drugged girls are getting raped and killed.
I wish I could enjoy the freedom you enjoy. I can’t. I am plagued by limited knowledge and paranoia that comes with it.
07.11.08
Take not give.
You take an exam not give an exam when you are being examined.
Really for the last time you take it not give it.
07.10.08
More than one muscle.
I would like to talk to the person who spread wrong information about smiles. Who said we use only one muscle. I have noticed in my recent photographs, I have wrinkles at the temples on both sides when I smile. May be I smile too wide, The additional pressure gets transmitted to skin and muscle and shows up at the temples. I don’t know.
Looks like a lot of muscle to me. They actually look like tiny horns that come up with a big smile. I think they got it the other way round. When I frown I have nothing to speak of.
