05.02.08
Dot Com wedding.
I am back in India and the pressure to get married is on. I always feel the heat and the discomfort being around people who reckon there must be some thing wrong with me physically emotionally or psychologically for being perfectly happy and content with my single hood.
The more I converse with those that are married and those that are not; I am convinced now is not the right time for me to tie the knot. Dating is not really an option for me in India as I don’t know what the norms here are. I can work on that but I feel too old for it. I am made to feel too old at 30.
Every six months or so I have re analyse my position in the marriage scene. Some things don’t seem to have changed. Tall, beautiful, slim, homely, career oriented, traditional values who will migrate with a precious son still appear in advertisements, websites, and what have you.
Having spoken to my guy friends, it isn’t easy for them either. The expectations, demands and haughtiness that they have to endure to find a girl who they are happy just ” talking to” is becoming a huge task.When no one is happy with the arranged marriage scene either through papers, websites or through another person I don’t know how come the society has not been able to abolish the practice.
People who aren’t married wish to bite the dust and those who have, warn me against hastening in making a decision. My own flowery ideas about being with another human being are long abolished.
I have seen separation, divorce, adultery, remarriages from close quarters. The upper middle class society is no longer untouched by the side effects of modernisation, economic independence, migration to western worlds. Parents who have been left behind are fighting hard to keep abreast.
I have managed to convince my parents that I don’t want a big wedding. For economical and political reasons. if they take pride in feeding 500 mouths, I would rather they feed the deprived and thankful. For now my parents have asked me to make good use of the websites they have paid money into. So this summer I am going to be busy finding me a husband. I am going to plan my dot.com wedding.
sittingpugs said,
May 2, 2008 at 9:02 am
People who aren’t married wish to bite the dust and those who have, warn me against hastening in making a decision. My own flowery ideas about being with another human being are long abolished.
Is marriage something that you’ve postponed over the years because you A. wanted to focus on your career first B. didn’t see what the rush was C. won’t marry just any suitable (tolerable) young man D. marriage was never a conscious goal?
or E. any of the above.
If the thought of relationships, particularly the emotional or physical intimacy, just doesn’t appeal (or not very strongly), you’re not alone.
educatedunemployed said,
May 2, 2008 at 3:09 pm
Sittingpugs:
I would say all of the above at different points of my life. Some times the intimacy doesn’t appeal either. Just not as strongly or as prevalent as in your blog post.
Thanks for stopping by and welcome to my blog.
Greensatya said,
May 2, 2008 at 3:54 pm
Marriages are and will always be enigma. You are correct in your reply to the comment above about various reasons of not getting married.
The most overwhelming desire of getting married comes when I guess one is in teenage love. Everything appears rosy and according to plan.
When one is settled in life and career, the thought of getting married is overwhelmingly disturbing. I mean what is the need of getting married if things are going on fine. I am not talking about commitment phobia but the point where one does not need anyone to else to complete his or her life, or even share his or her life. Why to change something that is going on good ?
What is the need except our society ? Now if I say something more on this, you would term me as an Indian society critic as usual.
sigh !
Greensatya said,
May 2, 2008 at 3:56 pm
Sorry for the mumbo jumbo I typed above without any sense of grammar and propriety. Guess I am drunk or stupid or both
phish said,
May 4, 2008 at 2:26 am
i somewhere feel the same. and yet differ. at least on some of the moot points above. as i find most of my friends getting hitched, or in the process to do so (this year, still in its nascent stage, has already witnessed 8 such momentous occasions) i find myself reluctant and removed.
if everything would have worked out, i might have been contemplating it myself (replete with co-funded EMIs and the logic of parking spaces and the like) - but now i don’t. and being a guy i face a unique set of problems myself. i have seen enough adultery, bitterness etc in my life as well. and i might have mentioned in these very pages, not so long ago, that i find the essence of co-habitating (i call it that afer much self-debate) is selfish, yet. people today are willing to move on at the drop of a hat.
and all our (i dare say this) ideas of a lot of things (love, understanding, relationship) are based on some very basic suppositions - unconditional love, loyalty, a willingness to compromise, to hold on and make things work, trust, a strength to stay.
there has to be a fundamental attachment to your personality. to your way of viewing things, even if its not the others point of view.
till such time, i see enough of that around. i refuse to look for a partner. or let her find me. i stay happy with my comic books and my daydreams. all i really need is a dog.
though i wish you good. in your efforts. if its a dot.com wedding i shall ping you while you are it. its the least i can do.
--Sunrise-- said,
May 7, 2008 at 4:30 pm
I know people who have had dotcom weddings… maybe you will find your Prince, you never know!
Hope your stay in India is good… I am so jealous! Hehe!
Jenny said,
May 8, 2008 at 12:05 am
At the end of the day just remember, it’s just time & destiny which decides.
So do take it easy and have fun-filled stay in India.
(any chances of coming down to Bangalore over a weekend?)
Grey Shades said,
May 8, 2008 at 1:44 am
Hey good to hear you are back on home soil. BTW there was this crossover movie on similar lines. Cant quite remember the name but in it the gal keeps looking for the perfect match while falling in love with her commitment phobic best friend and finally gets married to her. You are writing the sequel to that eh?
Anyway jokes aside, wish you all the best in your endeavor 
Grey Shades said,
May 8, 2008 at 1:45 am
Hey BTW, are you there on Facebook or Orkut?
nisha said,
May 8, 2008 at 2:56 am
its going to be tough!!
for the first time in yrs im seeing that its tougher to have an arranged marriage than a love one. ppl have become much more choosy and the works!my friends parents who have been looking out for like more than a yr now have no solace.
lol!i dont want to demotivate u;..just that try hard…and see if u can fall in love!!!!