Not mine. But 2 sets of parents.

One both Caucasian. Have one daughter and don’t really know where she is how she is and what she wants to do with her life. Are a little concerned about the man she is dating but claim they have no say in the matter. You probably don’t because some where along the line that is what you let your child believe. Teaching flying and throwing off a cliff are two different scenarios. Both may achieve a survivor but guess who will come back to thank you for it.

The other one Indian origin Canadian bred married to an Indian born Indian bred. Have 2 children. An awesome family from the outside but really confused from the inside. My guess; the family is just hanging in together and doing a really good job of it.

Parents just want their children to be happy.  Parents are also human.They have very tangible emotions especially when it comes to their own children. They are capable of misunderstandings, being hurt, disappointment. How ever they have flaws. They make mistakes.

Most children grow up and realise that. We may not always love or respect our parents. But we don’t ever forget who they are. I wonder if parents give their children the credit they deserve. I definitely hope they don’t forget no matter how much children grow up there is always a child in them.

I want to write about birds and bees and travel escapades and poetry. Yet every time I am stopped short by human behaviour and I cannot stop marvel at it.

Do people really mean they are fine when they say it.

What kind of person likes sympathy?

Why do people ask how are you, when they don’t really want to know.

Are people really ready for the truth. Is honesty the same that as being truthful?

Why do we get angry when all we really want is some attention?

Do we love ourselves at all? Or do we constantly wait for some one/ thing else to endorse ourselves?

Why is loving so hard. Why is it harder to let some one else love us?

Can we see the hypocrite/ liar in ourselves? Are we okay with it?

Why do we run out of our parents? Then again do we ever?

Do we really treat another human being they way we like being treated.

Why do some people hate animals? Where do they find the arrogance to have such an emotion against an ecologically balanced phenomenon?

Do parents compete with their children?

Are people aware that millions of mouths go without food each day? How can they live with being wasteful?

Do we know that resources are limited and we are like bacteria on a petri dish?

Do you ever ask yourself any of these questions?

I am not sure what I would be more offended about. My colour, or my sex. Neither of which I have any control over.

Though there is nothing I can do about being a woman, I know there are inherit differences between a man and a woman. The fight for equality is misplaced in my opinion but it isn’t baseless.

Being discriminated due to my colour is just preposterous. We all belong to the same race. Human race that is and yet we find ourselves being disillusioned other wise.

I would have liked to see a woman in a position never held before. I felt it was high time one of the largest democracies saw a woman in a place never held before. Not because I run a rat race or fight a cause I don’t identify with. But because society needs a change. It needs a chance.

When choosing between humanity and femininity I think I would like to rise beyond my own expectations. Some things are more important than others. I wish one would remember no matter what race it is.

Getting around to doing the best for yourself when in stress is a challenge by itself. Saying the right thing to some one in stress is a different ballgame altogether.

A shoulder to cry on, a warm hug, marriage as an option, free psychiatry session, cake are all well meaning.

How ever nothing does it like recognising that desperation is because of determination not weakness.

For some time now all I have been doing is working towards making today a success story.

There is a time bound application process for residency programs which I had missed. So today was a small chance in what is called a scramble. A 0.5% chance to be realistic. I was going to give that 0.5% chance my 100%

I started making calls and identifying possible contacts that would help me get a residency spot. Agonising my favoured support system a few days ago wasn’t the smartest thing to do. But then I am not always thinking. Also if it happened, there must have been a reason. So I got past that and decided this was the time to look forward. I put all my energies in doing just that.

Finishing touches to the C.V, personal statements, on line applications and documents were made. A back up plan was thought of and some work was put into it. Laptop was synchronised to a fax machine. All documents were scanned. 2 phones lines were made available. Over 300 jobs were researched in 3 different specialities. Excel sheets were printed.

All for today.To tell you of my miraculous success story.

After all that effort one would think the reason I write is because congratulations are in order. Sorry. I are far from that. I don’t have a residency in hand. I am running out of visa time. I don’t have the support I was banking on. My back up hasn’t taken any shape yet and I feel really tired.

But here is what did happen. I think I am better prepared for next time. And yes I have decided there will be a next time. I am going to take one risk. I know I have to. I am going to work as hard if not harder to make my back plan shape up. A lost friend from 4 years ago reappeared. Last thing I needed today was an emotional break down. I have survived the day without making impulsive phone calls. Some thing in me tells me I am in a better place already.

An aneurysm is a dilation in a blood vessel which causes accumulation of blood and it’s related complications.

There are several proposed theories why some people are predisposed to having aneurysms. Most times we cannot prove why an individual has a higher incidence than another individual. One of those things we put down in medicine as humans being unique and unexplainable.

Oddly enough Diabetes that actually increases the chances of an aneurysm becoming a dissection ( complication) also protects it from the dissection from rupturing. Which is far worse than a stable aneurysm.

So does one with an aneurysm ignore the high sugars or does one control the levels. High sugars are protective to a disscetion but detrimental to all else.

So we take a chance. We justify that in the long run taking away one good thing for a million bad ones is a good thing. But how does one justify if that one good thing was the only difference between life and death.

Drafts and more drafts. 

Enough said!

8 am: Late by few minutes. Domestic issues.

9 am: Paediatric case of diarrhoea and vomiting. 16 was the mother’s age. A little perturbed and keeping a straight face

10 am: Alerted to presenting complaints. Saved a resident time and effort

11am:  Resolved to pick up some Spanish.

12am:  Long chat for a good letter of reference.

1pm:  17 out of 29 correct. Middle of the stack of residents.

2 pm:  Interview for a research post.

3pm: Call from another place.

4pm: Resume was called impressive.

5pm:  E-mails and phone calls.

6pm-12:30 pm One and half hour drive back and forth, one emergency eye operation observed.

1 am Last game of scrabble.

1:30 am Exhaustion, contentment, hope, looking forward to tomorrow.

Coming from a country of people with dark hair and skin, I don’t really get blonde jokes. Then again having known enough turbaned people I never got Sikh jokes. I just know if you aren’t making a majority you will be singled out and you will be made fun of.

When this is taken personally, defence mechanisms come into play. Since I am not a tall blonde doesn’t mean I am going to make fun of you. No need to get nasty. Doesn’t make you look any better or smarter.

Freedom is exquisite. 65th time lucky. I thought the count was over a 100.

Warm room. Midnight chat. Chinese food. A good friend, made the terrifying journey worth it.

Warm chai, pancakes, Malaysian soup, desert at Gosala cafe and endless conversations was really food for the soul.

Revisiting an abode, a dog that hugs humans and wonderful people at the store reminded me I have a home away from home.

Embarrassment is only anxiety. I can be 16 any time. Cognitive behavioural therapy is for real is the take home message.

Come rain come shine I have had one the most exhilarating weekends in a long time.