I don’t think I have been a fan of New Year’s eve for some time now. Last year I sounded almost angry with the way the world was shaping up.

New year’s day come and go but some things don’t change. I still yearn to be in the hospital. I yearn that a lot more now.

I had failed an exam. For most people around me it should have been over for me. So they said or projected in their sympathetic tone. I saw it as a second chance. When I bounced back , I did better than what I had expected myself to do. The battle isn’t won yet. It suffices to know I am still fighting.

While I was struggling this past year, my good friend and I have had the chance to reconnect. After all these years we finally live in the same city. We are still discovering each other. It makes me really happy to know she is only a train ride away.

I may not have done a lot of things in my life but I have finally seen Taj Mahal. Makes me proud. May be I should make that list of what-I- want-to-do-before-I-die.

I was taken aback by the media coverage of the Virginia Tech massacre. They kept putting the blame on doctors and teachers and parents and so on and so forth. It was annoying. It is always easy to point fingers later. One generally tends to do the best they know how when put in a situation. I strongly believe that incidents such as these should prompt us to tackle situations in the future and stop playing the blame game.

People should also be educated about their health. It hits hard when it hits close to home.

No matter what there is always joy. I found mine in them. I am sorry one had to go.

I also find my jollies in standing up for myself. I do it rarely, as I know one should pick his battles wisely. Some times one just has to.

How ever there is nothing like the love of a niece. Her Christmas gift this year was a scarf and hat knitted by yours truly. I don’t know about her but I know the parents wont get over my generosity for a long time. When is Rakhi any one? Muhahahaha!

For the first time this year I was determined to take photos of my home town. Mumbai. I am no talent, which doesn’t stop me from loving my own photos. I am so tired of the infamous snake charmer being the all encompassing representative of my country, that I had to take many many photos from my point of view.

I learnt how to play scrabble. I am still single.

All in all this has been a good year. I have learnt a lot. Lived even more. I am quite looking forward to next year. Wishes for a superb year to all of you.

In response to your question over the comment to this post I came up with E1 and E2. Them or some thing like them.

Christmas Eve..

I hurry to catch the next train. I am going to meet a good friend. I am looking forward to the company, warm hugs, food, chatter, laughter. On my way I notice there is a man feeding the squirrel in the park. Another holds a Mcdonald’s bag in his hand while he crosses the street along with me. I can still feel the boredom on the im chat with Mr Pittsburgh. He is going to be on holiday with nothing to do for more days than he would like.

I am aware as I smile looking forward to being with the people who will bring joy in my life, that not every one is going to feel the same warmth as I will. I know that Christmas eve will mean different to different people. May be not mean anything at all.

While I hope the squirrel feeder, Mcdonald burger eater and Mr Pittsburgh find ways to make this night a special night, I know come tomorrow none of it will matter.

It is after all just another night. I know as I have been alone, cold and unfed. So many times.

Hi Divorcee,

Writing to wish you a very Happy Christmas and an even better year.

There is so much I want to say to you. But we are almost at the end of this year and I doubt that I will ever get a chance to speak with you.I am going to tell you everything that is on my mind. I have to. I don’t know who else to tell.

At this point in time you can chose whether you want to go ahead and read this mail or just ignore me. Suit yourself.

I feel stupid for trying so hard to socially interact with you. Of course I enjoy your company. The fact that you are a resident which puts you in a much better position in life career wise totally seduced me. Not realising once that you had made your intentions really clear. You did strike under the cover of inebriation. Or so you intended to. And here I have been harping on friendship. Juvenile. I agree.

I have yo-yoed in my mind and gone crazy wondering if I was being stupid with no self respect what so ever or was I not being considerate enough to the fact that you have just gone through an emotionally traumatic experience.Principally I think you have to deal with your own issues in life. So I shouldn’t have to bear the brunt of your hurting self. I was upset that I had to and so never thanked you for wishing me on my birthday. How ever I appreciate you caring enough to do so.

I am disappointed that we couldn’t hang out together. I am sad that you didn’t feel the freedom to be yourself when around me. I think of you often and wonder if things could have been different between us. Who knows another day, another place they could have.

If you have survived this far, thanks for giving me the time. You have been very helpful and patient with me. Talking to you always instils hope that things will turn out fine in my life.Probably why I like talking to you so much.

I am not going to make promises of not contacting you again. When I hit the panic button I tend to call you. But I will try.

Bye for now. Happy holidays.

A different day a different place, who knows things might have been different.

A different day a different place,who knows we could have shared a laugh.

A different day a different place, who knows you could see that it isn’t over yet.

A different day a different place, who knows you could have been more mature about us.

A different day a different place, who knows we could have talked life out.

A different day a different place, who knows we could have even made some memories together.

A different day a different place, who knows I might not have written this post.

A different day a different place, who knows we could have been together instead.

It is hard being a retailer. Buying. Pricing. Displaying. Stocking. Employees.Customers. Maintenance. Competition. Profit.Salaries. Accounts. Accountability. Orders.

You get the idea.

It is a hard position to identify with both sides. The customer and the retailer. Even though most of the retailer’s tactics at getting the maximum profit appear legitimate; the consumer is who really gets the raw deal. In my opinion that is.

I know no one sets up a charity shop. Especially when dealing with luxury items. How ever it is that time of the year when emotions are running high and pockets dry. Every one is buying some thing for some one.

The retailer is making the most of his sales this time of the year. They need to.

Should ethics play a part? Is the price hike legitimate in balance with the consumer’s need? What kind of game is this that we play?

Cafe latte. Hot chocolate.

Conversations. Heart felt.

Memories. Playing catch-up.

Life so far. And now.

Confessions. Conclusions.

A little love. Or Romance? May be a little of both.

Cannot write full sentences as all my energies are drained. I have been grinning ear to ear since last evening. I got meet one of my angels.

I have never played scrabble in my life. First Scrabble was for the older kids, then the smarter kids and then for boring kids. What ever it was I just never played scrabble.

I always wanted to. It looked like a lot of fun. The pink blue and then red and darker blue tiles appeared very inviting. I just never played scrabble. Until the week of Thanks-giving that is. And now I can’t seem to stop.

It has been that wish I thought will never get fulfilled. Like I always wanted to be a left-handed person or I want my blood group to be O+. These things don’t happen on a whim do they?

But you know what? A game a language a country or a talent can happen. One just has to get to it.

Have you ever listened to your self. Like hear yourself ramble, swear, cry, moan, complain, or nurse a heartbreak.

Have you ever seen your self. Have you ever noticed the person you are in this universe. Have you ever got out of the confines of your skin to notice what effect you have on the universe around you.

How does your voice sound to other people. Do you hear that voice? What form of you can be seen from the outside? Have you ever wondered? Not what you see in the mirror, but what you could possibly see if you stepped out of your self for a while.

I snort at times when I laugh. I smile like no one’s business and I can tell it isn’t pretty all the time. I also have a heavy REALLY expression which I think is REALLY unnecessary as questioning a statement just stated does  no one any good. I sport a heart break all the time with never having been involved. I am so positive about life that I irritate myself. When I want to feel bad I wish that that part of me would seriously quit for some time.  Quite frankly I have some very irritating habits and I am not sure if I would like to be my friend all the time. And did I mention I talk a lot. Fast and shrill.

Ouch!

When a person makes an attempt at snogging because he thinks you are tipsy on 2 glasses of wine, he isn’t particularly planning to start a “friendship” when you do behave sober.

Every one needs atleast one loser in their life to make themselves feel better about themselves.

An impulse and impulsive behaviour are like you wanting to commit suicide and actually committing it.

Getting a life is a lot simpler than  admitting to the lack of one.