I want to respond to all the comments that have been left to be answered at a later date. I think I would rather meet all the people who commented over this post in person and have a conversation over it.

Studying was easier. Trying to find a residency is going to be the hard part.

I like people visiting my blog. Making blog friends is killing the interaction on my blog. I don’t like that.

Truth always hurts. Hurts the one who finds out, and the one who has been trying to hide it all along.

Parents aren’t perfect. It is a hard fact to register. It is scarier to realise that one day you might be filling their shoes.

I think I am too cynical to be able to find love. Some times it comes knocking on my door and yet I find a way to throw it away.

One of my boys died. I miss him like I would miss a buddy. This is a very new feeling for me.

Transition to junior college after the 10th grade was like being in a whole new world. With the good came the ugly.

I took a bus daily to get to my college. Mid way  a class fellow would get into the bus. At the exact same point he would  leave the bus on our return. For a year we never spoke to each other. When we did, he came with his list of do’s and don’ts. Don’t be seen talking to me in public. Don’t talk to me in college. Don’t  talk would have been an easier instruction to follow but I don’t think I was listening. His restrictions amused me, as we got along well. I never really gave his  nuances a thought.

10 years down the line I know better. I know he was probably protecting me from something I don’t even want to imagine. If I knew what; I might even want to thank him for not taking away a bit of my innocence.  I might  thank  him for letting me be me and putting up with my chatty self.

Should I thank every person who walked away from me for no reason or without giving me a reason. Should I pretend that each person who stopped talking to me for no reason was trying to be kind. Should I believe that every man I showed some interest in and who chickened away was trying to protect me from pain. Should I be grateful to all the people who did some thing bad for some thing good to happen.

Or can I tell them, don’t wait for time to make me feel better about your actions. Just tell me. I will understand. I am capable of doing so. Don’t make me go through the pain of not knowing.

Resolve: It hurts too bloody much and I can no longer deny it or push it away. I am not sure what the choices are, but I want to face it, this time face first!

I have had this text on the right hand corner for some months now. It was about my exams and my continued struggle with climbing the career ladder. Well I did do a good job of facing my choices and I have come out a winner. For many reasons at that.

Through the most trying of times I realised what I think of most; is what will happen to me. If I continually worried about failures, failures is what I will face. Some times looking beyond the fears and over coming expectations can help get what you want.

It is ok to accept that you are not capable of doing it all by yourself. So you reach out. For help. You will get it. Even if it is from unexpected quarters.

Friends is an over rated concept. People should start at civility first. I am busy, was busy are not even acceptable excuses any more. Come up with some thing else to cover up your self centred self absorbed self.

Some one I know told me how she has issues with entitlement that comes with being friends. This period taught me a lot about that feeling of entitlement. Over your life, relationships, success. You really aren’t entitled to anything unless you have worked enough for it.

The most clichéd, but the most relevant in my case there is no substitute to hard work. It has been a lot of hard work the last few months. The way things are going there will be a lot more hard work, disappointment and hopefully happiness involved. This time I am ready. I know how to do it.

I have a really bad feeling my blog is dying a slow death.

I wasn’t ignorant to the idea that there might come a time when I wont blog regularly. I actually hoped that at some point in life I would be so busy in life that I wouldn’t have the time to blog. Attempting to write down in details my thoughts, would become a chore rather that a pleasure is a very new possibility to me. No I am not yet there.

Apologies but I do have a certain disregard for what people think of my blog. I have even more disregard to bloggers who would rate, compare and comment upon other blogs. I think the recent surge in self employed critics over other bloggers more so Indian bloggers is begining to leave a very bad taste in me.

A lot of anonymous bloggers would agree that they write to avoid being judged by people they know. But then people will remain people. Thankfully so. But then they will also judge. Which is natural I believe. What I don’t get is, the authority some people think they are on judging the blogs. If you don’t like what I write you go else where. Stop cribbing and cringing.

The reason I feel that this blog is dying like an old haggard lonely person at that, is because this blog had endeavoured plenty of emotional trauma. Bloggers have come and gone. There was a time in England, that I would log in every morning, confident that some of my favourite bloggers would have updated their blogs. No more. Most of them don’t write any more. Oh well. Can’t really complain now can I?

And then there are other things that I cannot even write about, lest I am accused of being insensitive, ill-mannered, blah-de-blah-de-blah. So I shall just keep that to myself.

Excuse me now. I have to do some thing about this delirium.

I have been contemplating over the feminist in me for some time now. I have had a minor discussion with a co-blogger. I talked to some of my friends who even put forth the idea that I am in denial of the issues women face today.

I am not in denial. I just have issues with using my feminity as a weapon to win a war. How ever inspite of several attempts at trying to explain my stand on the feminist movement I have been unsuccessful.

Last night by sheer luck I was watching an interview on CNN- IBN by Rajdeep Sardesai. He was talking with Sunita Williams who holds the record for longest uninterrupted flight in space by a woman.

A girl student asked Sunita Williams whether she had faced discrimination while pursuing her career in becoming an astronaut. To this she replied, some thing to the effect of:

In my field women are outnumbered by men in the ratio of 3:1. Due to sheer numbers alone it is considered a man’s field. But the machines in which we go to space doesn’t know I am a woman, the suit I wear doesn’t know I am a woman, in space I am not treated differently because I am woman. Why then should I feel that being a woman I am bound to face discrimination. Truth be told I didn’t feel discriminated against either. Why have such prejudices in our minds and make ourselves weak.

Now that is the kind of feminist I identify with. I am secure, I am strong, I am determined. I believe in my self and I will because I can. I am not looking for an excuse for my failure. I am looking at what more I can achieve.

Well said Sunita Williams. You just earned yourself a fan.

I have grown up watching Gandhi on every 2nd October. It is Gandhi Jayanti. It has been a ritual for most part of my childhood and adolescent life.

The flag hoisting, the samosas, the family lunch, the afternoon movie became part of my identity. I wasn’t forced to accept Bapu as the father of my nation. I was educated. I was the given the opportunity to read, watch, assimilate what one man had done for himself, his community and his nation. I have heard people belittle his efforts. I have watched a single man be blamed for all the evil that exists in my country today. His principles have been distorted beyond belief.

I haven’t been to school in a long time. I wonder if they still do plays on Gandhi. Do children still sing Raghupati Raghav Raja Raam. Do they have any idea how far this nation has come. Do they realise that what some people did a few decades ago was what they thoght was the best thing to do. Are today’s children taught to tolerate another person’s choices. Is today’s youth encouraged to move on from yesterday and make better choices today as their forefathers have left them with that freedom. Does today’s youth feel gratitude for being born in a free country. Do they ever look back and thank all those that fought for this great nation’s independent identity? Do they ever feel the need to?

Gandhi has not been telecast on any major channel all of today. There are how ever movies such as Rang de Basanti, Lage Raho Munnabhai, Sarfarosh and the likes being telecast. Doesn’t matter what the medium or which film. If deep down we can say a little prayer for all those that thought beyond themselves, for a country they decided was their own. If each one of us can resolve to feel a sense of pride for one’s nation which ever one that may be, and stand by their country for the good or the bad I think Gandhi has reached us all.