I think I was still in school when my father was diagnosed as having Type II Diabetes Mellitus.The circumstances in which the diagnoses was made itself was terrible.My dad had series of infections which didn’t get cured.Then he had fever which lasted almost a month.The stubborn man that he is, we never got to take him to a doctor. He despises them and probably thinks that doctors and hospitals are the worst thing that happened to mankind.Until one day my mum got the colony watchmen to force him into a taxi to take him to a hospital.

During that time, he had unremitting fungal ear infection.The ENT specialist recommended a blood sugar check up.My father asked his company doctor to write up the blood sugar test which got neglected on the pretext that the infection was gone, hence sugar levels must have been just fine. I now understand that his despise for doctors was well justified.

That year my father pulled up his act.We saw a dramatic change in his life style and I think he did a great job with himself.After the death of his mother who succumbed to illness due to long standing diabetes, I felt my father let go. His attitude towards his life long companion deteriorated. So did his health.

I graduated to become a doctor.All the time I was studying he refused to hear my point of view or even consider my plea for better blood sugar control.Excuses ranged from me still being a student,later lack of experience.My frustration stemmed from the fact that strangers would benefit from the knowledge I had gained due to the efforts my parents made to educate me.But not my dad.

That frustration has continued over the years.His diabetes has gone from bad to worse.Fears due to the known and pain due to the unknown have only escalated. I have tried every technique in the book to try and convince him to be a better patient of diabetes.I have been nice, pleaded, yelled, thrown food, thrown tantrums.I had no luck. What I didn’t want to do was instil fear in him.I don’t think that is the best motivating factor.

When I decided to take my exams from India and stay with my parents, one of my main reasons was to get to know my parents again. When you have stayed away from your parents for a long time, there is a huge distance that needs to be bridged even in simple communication. I wanted to figure out how I could get through to my dad and his resistance to see logic when it related to his health.Make him realise that I wasn’t the enemy and that I really wanted what was the best for my dad.

His main fear was getting prescribed the insulin.He is scared of it and he believes the doctors out there only prescribe insulin due to monetary benefits to themselves.Did I tell you he hates doctors.Some times I don’t know why he has supported me through all my education and my continued struggle.Some times I wonder whether I really make him proud.Some times I want to pretend he is not really my problem.

When he asked me to let things be and for me to concentrate over my education and my life and let him live his life the way he wanted to, I knew that was exactly what I couldn’t do. I cannot ignore the fact that each day he goes with uncontrolled sugar in his body he is killing himself faster.He is making his heart work harder to pump more blood.He is clogging his arteries and destroying his kidneys.He is nearing blindness and a potential stroke any minute.Tingling sensation in his leg and loss of appetite made things only worse.I knew that I could never live with myself if some thing happened to him because of something that was very treatable.

A part of me didn’t want to know the truth and I was ok with my dad not getting regular check ups. I wondered if I let my dad be just the way he was I wouldn’t know how bad things had gone with him.May be ignorance would be bliss. Or would it really be? I have battled this question for a while.So I spoke to him.Of my fears, my pain, my insecurity,my constant worry and sleepless nights.

I guess that must have worked.He has finally got all his tests done.He is on a proper diet.He is losing weight.My mum has decided to take matters in her own hands.His sugar is better controlled the past few months and he is doing a lot better. He got prescribed his Insulin today and he has bought his first insulin pen.Knowing his concerns around insulin I know what a big day this is in his life.I have been very emotional all of today.It is just that I haven’t been able to decipher what it is that I feel exactly.

If you have lasted this post until now, thanks for reading. This means a lot to me.More importantly, if some one in your family isn’t keeping too well and their best way of dealing with it is avoiding it, painful as it may seem please help them deal with it.Avoiding issues only make them bigger.You really don’t want to find yourself or you loved one in a big dark alley.

Choose one or more resolution you will adopt this year-

A. I will use jute or paper bags and thus reduce my intake of plastic bag

B. Adopt rainwater harvesting.

C. Travel by trains rather than flying

D. Car pool

E. Cut my intake of imported fruits and eat only locally sourced seasonal fruits

F. Run the A/C at a temperature higher than desired while keeping the ceiling fan on

G. Use CFLs instead of incandescent bulb

H. Shut down the computer instead of keeping it on stand by

Editor, The Times of India

PS: You may also SMS, email or phone us with your views.

Mail us on mytimesmyvoice@timesgroup.com with ‘Resolution’ mentioned in the subject line. To SMS, type MTMV, leave a space, type RES, leave a space, type OPTION A/B/C/D/E/F/G/H (You can choose more than one) along with your name, and sms to 8888. Dial 128888 from your MTNL phone or dial 18694248888 from your BSNL phone and press ‘7′ to go to the MTMV menu and record your opinion.

Posted on Saturday, May 26, 2007 10:32 AM

I would like to add here, I already don’t use plastic bags.I actually carry my own cloth bag for grocery shopping.I also always switch off my computer, as promised. I am contemplating on trying to eat only locally produced fruits. What are you thinking of?

Death because of pneumonia in young healthy 30 some thing adult. I am shocked.I am horrified. What has medical science achieved?

I know medicine has its limitations. I respect that. I know medicine cannot undo the years of bad life style that most people adopt to.But we can cure pneumonia. Or was it some thing else that we wont ever know.

I cannot judge the dead or the living. I can only make a plea.Take care of your health.Listen to your body.It is not just a machine.It is the shrine you live in. You know your body best.So take care of it.No one else can.

It hurts too bloody much and I can no longer deny it or push it away.

I am not sure what the choices are, but I want to face it, this time face first!

All of today I have had a crap study day. I have been irritated with myself and so I have been snapping.Or so I tell myself.Then I go ahead and waste more time brooding.

Then, I am told I should not study too much as that has never done anyone good.I want to beat this person to pulp.I want to say some thing nasty, instead I smile.

If I don’t focus and I don’t let others’ know I am focussed the dark forces will keep swaying me away.It isn’t on paper I need convincing, it is in action.

When I said I didn’t care, I meant just that.

I am surprised by the rebuttal.Some how I missed out on the humour.

I wasn’t expecting an explanation. I wasn’t expecting an apology.I wasn’t expecting rectification.

In short I wasn’t expecting.I don’t expect.Period!

I don’t care, just like I said.

Do you believe in lucky penny? Would you pick up a solo penny lying on the sidewalk you just step foot on.

Would you consider them lucky if you found a penny everyday at the same place.

Is the penny still lucky if you see 2 different pennies on two different side walks? What if both of them were on the same side walk?

Does luck still come your way  if there were more than two pennies.

What if there were pennies and dimes and nickels and quarters.

Would you still consider them lucky pennies?

Writing off anything comes across as a tad bit unfair. Especially if we are ignorant of that anything. Once you get to know the history, the journey, the reason, the cost, the pain, the politics, the agony, the doubts, the fear, the ignorance, the thoughts, the today anything may not seem so bad after all.

Leaving Piccadilly circus for Times Square still hurts. But standing there at 4 in the afternoon in the storm with people; real people who brush past you and don’t stop to say sorry as they are too busy to live; walking by me faster than the speed of sound made me realise if only I gave myself a chance I can get to understand this place better, may be even like it.

I decide now is the time.No particular reason.It just feels right.

I pick up my camera.Just in case!

I can’t see much. I can smell the earth.There is a heightened sense of bloom around me.

The trees are swaying happily. I hear music with each drop.

Water hits my face. Wet isn’t bothering me.Neither is the gloom.

Some times a little blur can bring a lot of clarity.

Some times a walk in the rain is just what you need.

There is a reason why certain things have an order in place. It is there after experimentation and perfection.That is when it is called fool proof.

Until of course you decide to go the  Addison way and cook yoghurt before gram flour.

What you get is  clumps; edible, tasty  even; just not kadhi. I call it ingenuity.