Shivaji Maharaj

Standing tall and for a reason.

Originally uploaded by Educated Unemployed.

I knew the outcome.When I saw it for myself I even let out a sigh of relief. There is surprise, fear of the unknown, pain and even disappointment around me.

I how ever see a second chance.This one I am taking.I am going to hold on to it.Becasuse I believe god has been very kind to me.

What will happen from here I don’t know.Call me mad, but I am going all the way with this.This is going to be my own decision.

And when judgement comes, I hope you are around to hear what I finally have to say.

The no messenger status didn’t last very long. I missed the automatic signing in. The new email notifications. What I didn’t miss was the chatting with random people. Random doesn’t mean these people are total strangers where I couldn’t even tell the sex of the person for sure. These are people I know. I have either studied/worked/travelled/even blogged with at some point of time. What makes them random is that I know they are around only when they need to be.

The most offensive co-chatters to me are the ones that ping me while they appear offline especially at Yahoo.The most common reason cited for hiding is that there are too many people signed into their own messenger. Most of whom they would like to avoid and hence the invisibility. For me this only spells arrogance. I am not honoured that they have chosen to chat with to me. I think they have taken me for granted. I am sure people have their reasons to avoid confrontations on messenger. I am no one to judge why they have a need to hide, but please have to the courtesy to sign in before you take up my screen space with no warning what so ever.

The second kind of co-chatters that make me unconfortable are the ones who invariably tell you that the only reason thatthey are chatting with you is because they are bored, or are waiting for some programme to work or file to download and hence decided to amuse themselves. I would really like to be paid for providing such free entertainment, but seriously find your jollies else where. What bothers me is not so much that these people totally lack manners and sensitivty but the fact that I know I will never really care for such people. I then loathe the fact that I even bother to say hullo to them.

I am not very good with empty chatter. So if I have nothing to say to some one I don’t see why chatting cannot end after few pleasantries. What is the point of continous ‘what else?/aur kya? aur sunao?’ beats me. But some people insist. And then when I do rattle off the mundane details of my life they don’t seem interested and suddenly have to go. That always amuses me. Actually I now use this strategy as an effective weapon.

I think I have had a chatting addiction for a long time. My lists have atleast 100 odd people in each. Everytime I sign in atleast 7-8 people are always signed. Some who never initiate or respond. Some who were never on their desk when you pinged them. And some that will always drop in a hi everytime you sign-in. I enjoy talking to people. For me chatting is only a medium. As long as it is serving its purpose I am happy. But when chatting becomes a fashion statement if you know what I mean, it is then that I have a problem with it.

So for now, the chat thingies are back and the message to all my co-chatters, I talk on chat not chat.

There is nothing more important in this world than rewriting my CV and sending it out to the few people that have asked a copy of it.

Seriously, it is high time I set some priorities.

Dear Mr XYZ,

I, EU am writing to you at this instance as I wanted to apologize to you.Do allow me to explain myself.

When I was a liittle girl, I wanted to marry you.I didn’t understand marriage but I understood bravery.You remember the time you had survived a bullet, when you were undertaking your “commerical duties”.How your family stood by.How the country prayed for your speedy recovery.I thought then you were family, for you to have that affect on such a large audience.

As life would have it, you have had your share ofups and downs. 80’s weren’t particularly good.Most people wrote you off your “commercial duties”.How you proved them all wrong and continue to do so.How proud you make all the people who have stood by you.Most of them idealise your courage, integrity and family values.

So what you could not take care of your family.So what you made mistakes with judging people.So what you were inept at running a business. So what you have some flaws.No one is perfect. You deserved another chance.

So while you were making a roaring comeback, I grew up a little. I got educated.I travelled.I developed my belief system.I made my own rules.I learnt culture tradition discipline.I learnt a thing or two about society.I realised I have a place in this life to serve a purpose.I still strive to find that purpose, but I know I have been given this life for a reason.

I guess you do too.So beyond your “commercial duties” I have a few questions to ask of you..

What has been your contribution towards to the very people who have rooted for you even when you were in the dumps?

What message do you have for the society that you hail from?

What legacy do you hope to leave behind for the nation that idealises you?

What morals do you uphold for the youth that so desperately need a hero for them to emulate?

What kind of religious standards are you setting, and exactly what do you think the poor could do if they were to face similar situations?

I apologise, because it is my bad to think you are actually accountable to society.That you are a living hero. That you are some one I want to tell my children about.That you are some one I can put my faith into.

You have no ethics.You are just a commerical man.You are here to make money.And that you do well. I am sorry I thought better of you.

At Gaizabonts…

Pick up the book closest to you. (OK, you can cheat, pick up the book closest to you that you like; but that’s about it - no more cheating). Go to page 123. Go to the end of the fourth sentence (not line). Write the fifth, sixth, seventh, eighth and ninth sentences in your post. Follow it up with ten words or ten sentences about what that sentence means to you - then and there. Spontaneous!

And I was tagged..

I pick up The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini. No cheating here.It was really lying an arms length away.

“Zendagi migzara,” he said. Life goes on.He turned his eyes to me.” We Afghans are prone to a considerable degree of exaggeration, bachem, and I have heard many men foolishly labelled great.But your father has the distinction of belonging to the minority who truly deserves the label.”

There is line in th movie Flags of our fathers that I vaguely remember:”I guess there are no real heroes. We create them, because we have a need for them.”

This is the thought that flashed through my mind when I read those lines. I have been at a loss of words to explain why this line from that movie flashed in my mind.So I am going to leave this like this and may be come back to it some time.

With all the moving around and instabilty in place and people I find myself in a spot some times to connect to people places.Some times even emotions.

When I came back to my city I thought I would be ok.Didn’t take too long to realise that I was a stranger in my own home.None of my friends were here, some of my favourite haunts don’t exist anymore.Places I’ve known in my teens don’t look the same.People have grown older, culture has changed.I don’t remember the roads or the ways.I’ve been very lost the past couple of months.

But then I’ve been lost for a long time.I now kind of enjoy the confusion.It is ok not to love a place too much.It is ok not to get too comfortable in a spot.It is ok not to get too close to a person.The weather doesn’t bother me.I can eat anything.I’ll understand if people don’t call.I understand if relationships dissolve.

I don’t expect anything out of people and to an extent I don’t want people to expect anything from me. Deep down I know I will move again.Every thing will be better in the new place.I continue to hope.

I am not sure if it is really commitment I fear, or is it the excitement I yearn for.Do I know where my roots are? Do I know where will I finally build my nest? In place, in thought, in person.I don’t know yet.But I am keen to find out.

I started blogging with Blogger.I’ve had a lot of fun there.Typing my thoughts down.Learning to translate my feelings into words.To have people read what I wrote and for them to know me beyond what they saw.

It was a lovely ride.I am not running or hiding.I hope most of the people who knew me there, find me on wordpress.

I just need a fresh start.With so much happening in my life, I strongly feel that my blogging experience needs to reflect that change and freshness.

I am looking forward to all the new experiences WordPress has to offer me.

Cheers to that!!

When a plane is in the air, does it still exert it’s weight on Earth? Yes/No and why?

I agree this does not qualify as a usual chit chat when speaking long-distance with a potential suitor.But if you bear down my throat to tell me what scum bags doctors are, I have a jab or two to put you in your place especially if you are an engineer with Boeing.

Muhahhahahah!

I know I am so going to hell.

I think a quiet morning and a good cup of coffee can prepare anyone for a hard day ahead.

I think life is like a book.You never know how one will turn out till the end.

I think one lies, when afraid.

I think people don’t really listen.

I think angry people are actually hurting.

I think chocolate is food for the soul.

I think the real screwing takes place in the head.

I think there should be no place for excuses.

I think black is spotless.

I think we embarass ourselves with our prejudices.

I think to love is easy.

I think to hate is the real challenge.