I am just about to throw dirt on me, my family, my fellow blogger, and my blog.All things I do love very dearly.If you have no interest in other people’s family talk because you are quite tired of your own, I will understand if you missed reading this post.

Fact: Exam in four days, no time for socialising. Sad character: EU

Fact: My family doesn’t know I maintain a blog, except my mum.But she doesn’t care.

Fact:I have a very large family that I really do love.

Until now that is….

Venue:A cousin’s flat in a nice suburb of Mumbai.

I arrive just in time for lunch.I am just about to serve a dahi bhalla..which happens to be one of my favourite things on the menu this afternoon.That is when my niece who is by the way 2 years older than me drops in a dreaded question..

Hot niece(HN): So where do you blog?

EU:What? Blog? Me? Are you kidding me? I don’t blog?

HN: Oh but Mr Hot shot (HS) said he knows you because you are fellow bloggers.

EU:Oh you spoke to Mr HS. He is nice ain’t he?

Mum: Hot niece knows HS?

Me:Yeah I introduced them. *smug smile*

Hot niece: So where do you blog?

Old Mamaji*( Hot niece’s grandfather who at 83 lives eats breathes stock market): What is a blog?

EU:Mamaji a blog is like an online diary. Over the internet?

Papa:(Mine that is): But you wirte a diary.Is that not good enough?

20 something nephew: You have pictures of you on the internet.Whoa…

EU: No I am pretty anonymous.No pictures. Blog is different from my personal diary papa.

Concerned aunt that I am still single:But what are you doing introducing a single guy to your very single old niece.You are single too aren’t you?

I am now having a hard time balancing that bhalla with all its dahi* dripping and wondering if I will ever be able to bridge the gap between where my hand is right now and my plate.

Mum is staring into me at this point..

EU: What?? *shrugs shoulder* He thought she was hot.

Mum:And you still want to eat a whole dahi bhalla.When will you start looking out for yourself?

EU: Hey you wouldn’t want some random guy to approach your daughter just because she is hot.

Mum, shoots a not so nice look at me.

EU: Oh cmmon mum?

If looks could kill I could have been vulture fodder by the look in the eye of the hot niece’s mother..

HNM: So you introduce my daughter to sleaze balls?

EU: That is not right.He is a very good friend of mine.He is educated, smart, well placed and he is a gentleman. With a very good sense of humor I might add.

20 something niece: Is he hot too?

EU:He is out of your league kid..

20 some thing nephew: Apparently your’s too….he didn’t think you were hot.. gwaffes..

EU: Sh** u* you guys.He is my friend.

Mum: But you have only met him once.

EU: Technically twice..

HN’sM:You don’t even know this guy.

Hot niece’s rich dad: How much does he earn?

EU: How does that matter? He has huge potential.And I do know him.Can I get my dahi bhalla back? ….which is now in my mum’s plate. She is pouring saunth all over it..She is smiling and I can feel excruciating pain surging in me..
Hot niece’s dadi: Of course it matters how much he earns.How does he look?

HN’sF: And what does he do again?

HN’s grand dad: Is he interested in stock market?

Papa (mine that is):But why do you need to blog..don’t you have friends?

EU:Just being creative papa. I do have friends. He looks alright.I actually don’t remember how he looks.Yes mamaji he does appear to be interested in the stock market who also , now looking at HN’s F..loves his scotch just like you do and he is into conning companies out of their money just like you. EU getting very defensive at this point.

22 some thing niece: He sounds like the answer to all my prayers.

EU: He is half a decade older than you..now a little irritated

Old mamaji(2): All that is ok..but why do you need to get creative? You are a doctor..

Some body slightly high on scotch, I didn’t recognise: It is called plastic surgery.

Everybody: Laughs!! I smirk..

EU:It is fun..I’ve written poems and short stories..People enjoy reading what I write..

Papa,(mine that is): Really??? eyes popping out

HN: He looks alright? I thought you said he was real sexy.

EU: He has a real sexy voice I said. Yes papa.. really.. people do read my blog. They leave comments or emails.

16 some thing niece:Like fan emails.? *sweetest smile I have seen all day*

EU: No I wont call them fans, but yeah I get emails from people I don’t know.

Hot niece:So where do you blog?

EU:You just want to get dirt out on me.I am not telling ya..Can I get any food???

Mum: with her plate clean of my dahi bhalla. But I thought you said HS was married?

4/5 people yelling at the same time: WHAT??

EU: He will be..EVENTUALLY….Single men need to be protected from this family..can’t you see..

Hot niece: So where do you blog?….

dahi* yougurt.
Mamaji* : mother’s brother
Dadi*: father’s mother.

What is a laptop that gets turned on (miserable pun intended) and doesn’t have 4 chat sites sign in with atleast 3 people sending happy hullos and wassups my way….It is my laptop.

Don’t get me wrong.I love chatting.That, for most part has been my only inexpensive reliable way of communication with most of my friends. People that I’ve known for over 15 years, or those that I might never meet.

But some thing is drastically amiss.I don’t know what yet. All I know is this just doesn’t feel right. When one has has more people on their ignore/block/delete list than on I-am-happy-to-talk to you list, I think it is time for some thought.

Hence the decision to uninstall yahoo, msn,skype and gtalk.My laptop already feels lighter.I’d like to see this year go by without any chatting.That will definitely be a huge change for me.

Last time I brought about such an abrupt change in my life was when I started wearing my watch on my right hand.Turns out that is very practical in my field of work and not one day did I regret that decision.

I have a good feeling I wont regret this one either.Have a nice weekend ye all.

I am looking..
For a perfect place….
The one that feels just right
The cut, the curve
The warmth the height
As my head nestles
After a long day
Taking deep breaths
Of your very being.
I forget every care in the world
As I lean against your shoulder.
And when this feels just right to me
I know I have found
What I was looking for.
I have found the perfect place to be.

Newly acquired cd of Miles Davis.Taste that needs developing.

Sudden urge for red wine.Not too cold.Just right.Now would be really nice.

Obsession? Infatuation? Love? Different perspective.No rights or wrongs.

Books scattered on the bed.Online test awaits attention. So does life.

Fear is replaced by determination.If only it isn’t fantasy.This will turn out just fine.

Heart breaks have become second nature.So has falling in love.The pain is constant.

Truth,lies.A little truth.A little lies.Untold truth isn’t a lie.Neither is half the truth.

Bad judgements.Hurtful stories.No endings. Desperate need for an epilogue.

Life will go on so will I..

Don’t mind me…part 2….Ignore the delerium will ya..

EU screams on top of her lungs…” I NEED RESCUING…BIG TIME”

1989: Doogie Howser MD. 11p.m. Telecast of the re-run.Tip toe out of my bed.Fumble in the dark for the remote.Stand 2″from the screen.Watch the entire serial standing.Volume to the minimum.Scared the entire time I would be caught.

2006:Grey’s Anatomy.Telecast of the re-run 3:30 am.No tip toeing.Fumble with the remote.Stand 2″from the screen.Watch the entire serial standing.Volume to the minimum.Scared the entire time I would be caught.

And you would think after 17 years with 4.5 years of med school and 4 years work experience things would change.

I love the sight of a hospital and scrubs and nurses and stethoscopes and patient charts and files and sexy surgeons and weary internists.I miss the smell of a hospital. I miss my feet hurting.I miss the good night’s rest after a hard day at work.I miss the cold tomato cheese sandwitches with 2 cups of coffee.

I want to be in a hospital agaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin.*SCREAMS*

I will be done with my exam on the 25th.Anyone have a job for me. I love blood mucus and p*** and phlegm and breathless and pulseless people who have enough combustible material in them to burn out a whole city.I really do.

Didn’t I tell you some thing will brew up in my head I will just have to write down here. So much for a break.

Well life has been busy.I knew it would be and hence the need to take a break from this luxuruy of mine called blogging.But I’ve lived so much life the past few days,that it got me thinking. About the story that I write.Each day of my life.

Remember when we were younger we wonder what it would be like to be 15 or 20.We write our little fairy tale.There are real people,aims and ambitions, needs and desires and some where a tiny precious place for some one special too. And then each day we live that fairy tale. I don’t know if things go plot by plot, but eventually you get where you intended to be.

I wanted to be a doctor.I wanted to live by myslelf. Have a dog and of course a prince charming who would sweep me off my feet. I’ve done most of the things that my story wanted my character to do.I even found love.Which is bizzare because I didn’t turn out a demure ballerina like I once thought I would be.But the story didn’t exactly have the ending I had dreamt of for my fairy tale.

Rumour has it other’s were writing their stories too, and some where our stories have got all mixed up.Each time I turned a new page I was hoping I was writing a brand new fairy tale. I was so wrong.The past chapters have a lot of weightage.I now realise I can turn a page start a new chapter, but I cannot rewrite my story. I turn each new leaf with the marks of all the past seasons on it.

I know prince charmings don’t exist.I wont be allowed to bring a dog into my parent’s home and I am not yet where I wanted my white coat to be. I am ok with that.Atleast I know I am still writing my story and I know some where other’s are writing my part in their stories too.

Who knows I might just about get that fairly tale ending I have always dreamed about after all.

“The state of a woman should be decided by what is in the head and not what is around it.”

—Quote Queen Rania of Jordan.

That cannot hold more true now than when it was actually said and in the context that she had made that statement.

We have indeed entered another and left behind a year which has just witnessed the assasination of a thought process. The smothering of an idea, the fight against a bully. The question I ask today isn’t whether that thought or idea or the fight stood correct in it’s right but why was that right taken away.

Today is apparently a milestone.To celebrate, conquer,reminisce,make resolutions, plan for coming Tuesday,make promises for the future. I wonder if a dress, a trophy, a certificate, a party attended, a bottle downed, a post written actually marks a milestone in our lives. I would think it takes a little more than that.

I’d like to know what will change from today.Nothing for most part of the world. I’d like to know what are we welcoming into our lives? Or hoping that we will?

When I thought I had left bullies behind in school little did I know I would grow up to face those that I would not be able to see.Those against whom I would have no voice.Those that I would not be able to recognise.Those that will be impsosible to prove were not only harming me physically but were even robbing me of my thought process.The very essence that defines me. After all it is what is in my head that makes me who I am not what is around me.

It is one thing to be raped and another to be forced into prostituion.So they want us to believe.Aren’t both violation? Only we are made to believe one happens by choice.

I hope that I am not robbed of my freedon to think and differentiate the truth for myself. I hope tomorrow doesn’t take away the dreams I saw yesterday, the plans that I make tonight, my convictions that I hope to carry with me tomorrow. I want to be able to make my own decisions and not be forced upon by another bully, because they want me to believe they know what is best for me.

Today I hope tomorrow doesn’t take away my freedom to live a free life.

Happy New Year and all that jazz…

ps: Still on a break..