What is in a name?

Identity?Attitude?Expectation?

I’ve been frequenting a blog for a long time. This blogger lets say nick name xyz spells freedom to me.Gives me hope, makes me laugh,cry.I see a strong determined person behind that blog.Some one who is ready to take on the world.Some one who isn’t afraid to accept what they are.Even use it to their advantage.

Then I recieve a comment from xyz.I was thrilled beyond belief.For those few moments before I could get to the comment several emotions passed me by.I have felt one with this blogger for so long that today it felt like we were finally going to meet in the blogworld.

It wasn’t them.But some body else with the same nickname.I was disappointed, because xyz had come to mean some thing to me, and I didn’t really find that in this other blogger.

Is there any logic to this disappointment?

Ever heard of people discussing this person is a very Alex kinds or a Jane kinds may be in the Indian set up, a very Alok or Swati kinds..

Do people attain a characteristic just because they are called by a particular name.Would they be different people if they had a different name.

If I suddenly changed my nickname from EU to lets say crazy-whacky-nutjob would I suddenly develop a sense of humor or sound less stuck-up.

I wonder.

“And finally, those that are essentially like marketing tools. Except they’re selling themselves, to who?..well f*** knows! Reams and reams of print about some profound insight into humanity and relationships while all they’re trying to say is how they epitomise all that’s good on this planet. How they opened their hearts and emptied their bank accounts for a noble cause..sniff sniff…how quaint…jeez…talk about putting in your application for sainthood by proxy.”

If you still read my blog,I am sorry I haven’t provided a link to your post.So feel free to sue me.I am a negative bank balance worth with all my charity.Feel free to extort.

I was stunned when I read this on a blog.I saw this long after I had written Point 24.I thought I knew this blogger personally and hence took it for a personal attack on my post.On me.I was shocked.For me it was personal vendetta.I was even a little hurt.I didn’t know why would some one retort like that.

If I don’t like someone’s writing, I don’t go back to that blog.If I didn’t like the person doubly so.I thought it was that simple.

Then I read this blogger’s point of view.

I actually felt elated that my blog got a mention, and it wasn’t about completing a tag.But why would some one spend two pennies worth of their time, to visit my blog, read what I have to say,assimilate the tripe and then go on to make a mention of my blog onto their space.

I think the real issue here is intention. Is the intention to state an opinion or is the intention a personal attack.I wouldn’t know.I don’t care to find out.Amusing is all I can think.

Was I on an agenda when I started to blog.Was I looking for returns? Did I promise to make it worth your 2 minutes on this blog or your money back.Hell did I even ask you to come and read my blog.

But then, lets take a closer look at both those interactions.

Just because I think I know some one, doesn’t mean I really know them.Just because it is quite some time after I wrote my post doesn’t mean they are getting back at me.Atleast not personally.

They are expressing their opinion.They have the freedom to do so.Freedom to write what they want to write and how they want to put it up.It is their blog.They can do what they want to do.

Atleast I’d like that same freedom.

The narcissist in me, enjoyed that 2.5 seconds of glory.But what I really want is to be left alone to do my own thing.I haven’t signed up to entertain you with my stories, be smart ,funny, intelligent or even dependable.

I signed up so I could just be me.Take it or leave it.

Be strong.

Believe in yourself.

Keep the faith.

Shit happens but tomorrow is another day.

*Title: That is the concluding line from a much read novel which was also made into a movie.
My other favourite quote from that book being, “My dear, I don’t give a damn.”

“Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn” was the adapted version in the movies, as pointed out by SEJ and Lazy Leo.Thanks guys.

I agree I should get married soon.
I have realised I have physical needs.
I have some emotional ones too, and chocolate has stopped doing its job.
I need some action in my life, if you know what I mean
I am so incomplete without the tag of being called some one’s wife.
That is precisely why life seems to be at a stand still.
Yeah, I think I should get my priorities right.
I should concentrate on finding a man.Do the doable.
Doesn’t have to be the right one.Chemistry can be built, you know, found with time.
Doesn’t matter our interests clashing we can find a common path.I am sure we can.
I don’t care about looks,you know I really don’t.
He doesn’t even need to have all four limbs intact.
He could even be blind and dumb, as long as you know, he is a man!
A man is all I need to make me feel complete.
Yes I think I am ready to get married.

That little speech my friends is the sure shot way to get your parents or any one else to back off from making your marriage plans.Insert woman in place for man, if you are male and straight or leave it just as it is if you are male and not so straight.And yes you are very welcome.

Congratulations on entering your 75th successful year in the Aviation Industry.

Watch this space for an update..

Ever since Orkut has had 4 birthday reminders on my home page, I’ve been dreaming of cake.Now I’ll eat any cake.I really do love cake a lot.I know some people think I’d eat sweet bread in the name of cake.Whatever!

But what I really wanted was a Gaylord Tiramisu cake.Gaylord isn’t the best bakery in Mumbai, but it comes with a lot of history.For me it comes with a lot of sweet memories too. I think for the last 13 years, each year that I have had my birthday in this city and my friends have been around they would get me a Gaylord Tiramisu.Now the deal with this cake is that you have to order a minimum of a kilo because there goes a lot of rum into the cake.Once they open a bottle of rum for the cake they pour it all in.So when you order a Tiramisu with Gaylord, they will invariably advice you to order 2 or 2.5 kilos.It has that much rum in it.We of course always only got a kilo.We loved the high we got with each bite.For us it was our yearly bit of legal alcohol, when we weren’t allowed any.

We is me and very close friend of mine.

So my big plan was to order two half kilos this week.One half for the birthday person, one half for me.Knowing how dripping in rum this cake generally is, I happened to ask the birthday person if they actually liked rum.

No is the answer I got.

I felt this deep sharp pain.Trust me, I was numb for all of 3 and half seconds.I could see my dream of digging into some dark chocolate rum dripping cake over the weekend just crumble.I was bordering depression.I even decided no one needed to get a cake from me on their birthday.Hmmph!Yeah I was that upset.

But birthdays are birthdays and everyone deserves a cake.All of my friends definitely do.We live by the motto more cake the merrier.So what the hell I thought.Plain chocolate cake for them, and a whole Tiramisu for me.:D:D
Have a nice weekend ye all..I know I definitely will.

ps: The previous post might make some sense now.

A small plan for a little happiness and lots of excitement.
A hug even a smile will do in return.
You know this is really about me.
My thrill knows no bounds.
On background check, “yes or no”, I asked.
“No”, he said.
Disappointed depressed,I want to anyway.
Should I, or should I not.

There is a thing about people you can make plans with at 5 in the morning and they will be there at 8 in the evening for dinner.I think they are the awesome kinds and very rare to find.I like that freedom and spontaneity.The food great, wine awesome desert even better, a bundle of notes and walk by the beach.I have a little sand in my shoes to remind me for some time to come I had a lovely evening and for a reason.I better make it up to it in the next coming days.No more getaways if I don’t.I know.

I am very confused about the right thing to do, only thing to do and what I am doing.I am not sure if I am going to be the one responsible for all harm done or all harm will be done to me.For once I am ready to take on the hurt because I don’t want to cause any pain.The thought scares me no end.Should I let go because I am not sure or play along to see what happens.May be, just may be I am thinking too much into it.I hope I am.

They don’t make friends like they used to methinks.I recently asked someone what they would like for a gift.With his birthday round the corner, and a new abode to celebrate it in, I think a little some thing nice deserves an exchange of hands.An acquaintance for over 3 months may not be good enough for the formality to be done away with.Happiness is the reply I got.Oh well! If only I had been asked the same question.I do have a thing or 2 I’d like.No I don’t get generous just when my birthday is around the corner too.*Cheeky grin*

I have serious studying to do this weekend.But you have a nice weekend.

Because I want to rant, and ranting needs no high header I believe.And if that is not even a term, I doubt I care at this point of time.

I have exams sooner than I’d like.Calm as I’d like people to believe I am,I actually freak out, and need to speak to lots of people to calm me.I don’t want to talk about my exam.I just want to talk and talk lots.Not that I don’t talk a lot anyway.The increased need for a verbal diarrhoea these days is just too much too handle.So bad does the urge to make 3 am phone calls get that I delete most of the unsusupecting people on my phone list,lest they get an idea what a whacko I am.Not that they don’t know that already.

I had promised myself that I wont let emotions ever grip me to the point that I crumble.I have learnt not to crumble, but I still let emotions take me over.They now hurt real bad and I have no clue how to let go.I actually sit back and let time do its own thing.I have become a firm believer that time does take care of everything.I guess, so much time passes by that you forget what was bothering you in the first place.Works for me.

I really should stop making memories with every song I hear.The memories can be so haunting that for no fault of the song, I have a hard time listening to it.I do think that is very unfair.So many wonderful songs now haven’t been heard for eons because they invariably reduce me to tears.And no my upcoming exams have nothing to do with it.

I am having a hard time with the discrepancy between us and people who work for us.I don’t like the attitude towards our maids, watch man, driver.I often tell my parents that they have no idea what a luxury it is to have another person wash their dishes or do their petty jobs.They have to be respected as professionals and given their due.My mum isn’t terribly pleased that I think all the people we have employed are entitled to annual leave paid sick leave and a bonus for every child that is put into a school.I do think it is time we show some gratitude in our attitude and realise a thing or two about labour and its issues.Very well discussed here.

The title of my post is in response to one of Casablanca’s post title, dated 31st July.You were warned that this a *I want to rant* post, so stop asking for your 1 and a half minutes back.

It was fun.Exciting.
>>
For a little attention and love time was spent, emotions wasted.
>>
Looking for a spark, a part of me was lost.
>>
Looking back I am content it was all for a good reason.
>>
I traded momentary happiness for a little self-respect.
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Each night though alone I sleep a happy person.