I think it is time to come clean.

I don’t always have a title for my blog posts.The excercise of finding one annoys me.

I don’t want to ask my friend, what is wrong.This time I really don’t want to know.

I don’t want to tell my parents that their faith in me,scares me.Some times I wonder if I am misusing that trust they have put in me.

I don’t want to accept that I failed as a friend.I will make do in believing that it wasn’t ever meant to be.

I don’t want to ever leave home again.I haven’t felt so loved cared for and wanted in a long time.

I don’t want to get married.The idea scares the hell out of me.

I don’t want to take this exam I am preparing for.I am prepared for this exam, but not for what comes next.

I don’t want to make plans anymore.They remain just plans for most part of it.

I don’t want to continue moaning.Then again this is my blog isn’t it.

I don’t want to lie to myself anymore.I think it is time to come clean.

(No Ford this isn’t a poem.)

This post should have been posted a couple of days ago.I’ve never been very good at keeping dates, or even following instructions.What I should have done a couple of days ago I do now.Go ahead sue me.

Here is my list of few Bloggers/Blogs that I enjoy immensely.

Bharani:
He was a management student when I stumbled upon his blog.The simplicity of his language, thought process and maintaining a blog that I call value for time had me going back to his blog everyday.A lot of what he blogs about,doesn’t really make sense to me.What does appeal to me is the hard work and dedication that one can sense through his blog.Now he has moved onto his domain and I can only wish him all the very best.

Greensatya:
Current affairs,politics, books, music, movies, share markets, finance,travel, photography,food,blogging are only some of the interests that I have gathered this blogger has.His blog is the perfect place to have a discussion.Many a topics have found some heated discussions superbly conducted under his guidance.Now when I read an important news item, I hop onto his blog because I am always certain that Greensatya would have some thing to say about it.I am currently rummaging his archives.I have to say this blogger has come a long way the last 2 years and I do hope to see a lot more by him.

Ford Prefect:
He had me convinced he was the alien we all wished to be at some point in time.Also a management graduate when discovered can construe most happenings in his life to the ways of the alien world.His sense of humor is par excellence.One is often tempted to put down his writing as gibbersih.I suggest take a closer look.There might just about be some true wisdom there.I have often used this blog as therapy when I have desperately needed some cheering up.This blog has never failed me. Thank-you.

Gaizabonts:
He makes you think.He puts you on the spot.I feel so compelled at times I feel uncomfortable. That is exactly what I like about this blog.There isn’t a single empty write up.You leave perplexed,happy sad, confused or just blank.But you always go back.If you thought you understood what you read the first time, it surely wont make any sense the second.I suggest feel this blog, don’t just read it. The blogger maintains nine blogs in three languages and he is still going strong.This blog is what I call my food for thought blog.

Wisfulthinker:
I am an addict of this blog.No it has nothing do with the fact the he can make liver damaging amounts of alcohol seem like sweet nectar.An expert at staccato writing his posts are a whirlwind of imagination, laughter and sheer madness.An architect by profession,he manages to construct some of the most beautiful images of life itself.He is such a romantic that he almost always convinces me it is ok to be the emotional fool that I am.That it is ok to dream and be a wishfulthinker.

What you didn’t know, and never will.

I am far from perfect.If anything can go wrong, it has gone wrong with me.I have long stopped trying to make things right.I now know what has to happen will happen.What has happened was meant to happen.In all that, that had to happen, has happened and will happen I really have little control and hence I prefer having fun while I am at it.I live like a free bird, and I like it that way.

Then you came along.Trying so hard to say the right thing.Do the right thing.I was amused to see some one always just trying and really hard at that.How did you manage to be invariably so wrong I still don’t know.I took an immediate liking to you.Your pressured political correctness was fascinating.

I wasn’t blind to your unattached, confused personality.It didn’t matter at that point.I wasn’t there to judge you.I did feel bad that you had not one real relationship that you could claim to fame.From all that I heard I could only see a lonely sad man who had no clue what he wanted from life, far worse was too scared to admit that he indeed wanted something out of it.

Expecting you to come clean with your feelings was really going to be a far cry.I didn’t want you make that effort.I only wanted to be yourself.

My mistake to believe that if I gave you unconditional love and was there for you no matter what and no matter how, you would learn to respect what you have if not appreciate it.

My ability to talk about my feelings, comes from the fact that I believe in them.I am not insecure about accepting that some body has come to mean some thing to me.I know where I stand and I like to let this person know that they are special to me.I am not worried that they will take undue advantage of my affection.I am there to love is what I am trying to tell them.There is no confusion,no doubts.Just an open book for you to read.

All you had to do was be honest and show some respect.You could have still had me just the way you wanted.Just not for you to walk all over me.

Your folly to take my silence and my love as a sign of weakness.They were my biggest strength.