About me, my thoughts and randomness.
For some time I’ve eyed this post.
What I write today is immaterial
You will be special to me no matter what.
You mark a milestone in my life.
However trivial, it feels like success.
Sweet one at that.
Beautiful day,
Eternal Sunshine.
A little curiosity,
Lots of excitement.
On a road less travelled,
A new journey begins.
Thoughts wishes hopes feelings,
Find words,
And a new meaning.
Peek-a-boo begins.
Endorsements, encouragement
Even arguments, but mostly fun.
Friends made, friends lost.
Friendship:New concept.
This Blog:My Alchemist
This post:An attempt at 55′ers
Inspired by Perspective Inc.
My heart aches with the emotions you invoke
To see my trust blow up each day in smoke…
I share you each day
With a diva in white
In your arms she stays
Longer than I’d like
There is a spark in your eyes
When she is in your sight
An intense love affair on display
As your fingers trail her curves all night
Our relationship wont last this way
If you don’t stop to make things right
My heart aches with the emotions you invoke
To see my trust blow up each day in smoke…..
I want some answers tonight
Is it going to be me or your Marlboro light.
I am not going to scream out loud about the issues I have with people smoking.Inspite of my complete hatred for it, I know some awesome people in my life who have this irksome habit.It doesn’t define them I now know.I wouldn’t even ask any one to give it up.I think it is a bad, harmful habit.But then so is farting out loud in public.If you could only refrain from smoking while on my blog, I’d be much obliged.That would definitely be a start. 
Rules of this tag:
1.Name the person who tagged you.
2.8 things about you.
3.Tag 6 people.
1.I enjoy doing tags.Not that I dont have enough to write about.Just that now I can actually blame someone else for making you endure an entire post that completely wholly fully centres around me.Pointing fingers at Wishfulthinker for this one.
2.I have absolutely no sense of direction and I mean on the road.I tend to get lost very easily.
3.I totally detest my mother’s maids.All three of them.They rake up so much dirty politics between the 3 of them that they can put Bush-Osama-Blair-Parvez all put together to shame.
4.I’d rather be happy than right.To hell with political correctness I say.
5.I have an elephantine memory which unfailingly fails me at the most strategic moments.I can never win those you-said-that-then-so-I am-upset-with-you-now arguments.By the time I remember, the plot is usually lost.
6.I have a huge appetite to watch movies.I have once watched 13 movies back to back with only you know very essential breaks in between.
7.Teacher,lawyer,dancer,writer, waitress,bus conductor, dancer,grocer are the other professions I secretly wish to pursue at some point in life.
8.I have this unsuppressable urge to eat kebabs and down a whole bottle of red wine.Just about now.Care for a drink anyone?
Munchies* was the new kid on the block.He joined my class in the 10th standard/grade the day 6 of us were sent to the principle’s office for probable suspension.The commotion scared the hell out of him but the expression on his face was priceless when he was asked to sit next to me.One of those expressions of utter despair if I recall correctly.That moment was the turning point of my life. 
But like all tragic love stories he was unceremoniously whisked away to the other section in less than an hour.
Still part of the ‘gang’ as we called it, his many talents began to unfold and I fell deeper in love.A sportsman, guitarist,poet,singer, and quite a good student with a smile to fall for I had found my soul mate.Just that 76 other girls from my batch thought the same.Arrghh! He was with me for 21 days of my junior college.Sigh! those memories. Then his dad got transfered again and he had to leave.I remember crying like a baby when he told me.Then he cried too.I think it was only then did we realise how much we were going to miss each other.
We lost contact.I would hear about him but not from him.I have waited for him to call me for the longest.Munchies* called this Sunday.For the first time.The wait for this call has been the longest,but totally worth the wait it was.A whole 45 minutes of pure bliss. I know I could have made the effort to get in touch with him.But when you cry like you have lost a limb and you scare some one so bad that they start crying too, one kinda sorta feels embarassed.OK!Huh?!
So thrilled I was after talking to him that I decided to call the other set of parents that I am so fond of.No they aren’t my ‘other’ set of parents,but they as might as well be.The excitement in their voices to hear mine, the affection, the warmth,the love made my Sunday.It is still a little rude shock to know that they aren’t in the same city let alone a stone’s throw away like they used to be.I miss having them around.No it isn’t just about the awesome food I always get treated to, it was about being introduced as their daughter one time that made all the difference.
I’ve known some one for a very long time.14 years, actually more.So long that I think I no longer know them.I don’t understand them.Don’t find them funny.Don’t agree with them.Don’t approve of them.Don’t them every thing.I gave myself some cool-off time thinking that may be time will help heal.It only strengthened the resolve.I thought if I told them the truth they would care about my feelings.I felt let down.I expected too much I think.That is never a good idea I know now.I also know that I have felt more at peace with myself by letting go than actually trying hard to hold on.
May be, just may be it is time to let go.May be its time to accept that life has indeed moved on.I am not going to get my childhood back. That 10 minute walk I have taken so many times will never lead me to that home again.I am no longer the friend I once was.I am not even the same person.
*Munchies is the name of my favourite dog that a senior in my college had.I am calling him Munchies because I couldn’t think of another name.
PS:I owe a huge thanks to The Boxed Man for asking me to restore my system to back dated settings.The Control V function is back.
I wrote this huge post about my weekend.But my control V function has decided to misbehave.So I cannot copy paste it.
I have even tried right click functions, no luck.Does anyone know how to get past this issue.
I have
1.replace the laptop
2. reinstall XP as current advice.
I’m looking for something more do-able.Thank-ye all.
It can get quite difficult to trust another person.You want to.But find your self weighing your words to the point of discomfort.You then let go, thinking it probably isnt the right time or the right person.You don’t really know.
Then how does one take that plunge? How do you let go off the insecurities and bare your soul.Hoping you will be accepted for what it is.Where do you put your naked bare self knowing your tender self will be protected just as fiercely as you have done.
How does one know what is the right thing to do?How does one trust their gut feeling when it has has let them down in the past.You want to reach out to the open arms that await you but find it really hard this time.
How did your belief system get so distorted.You don’t know.But you are at the end of this cliff and are scared to take that plunge.
I know I am sometimes.
Bharosaa itnaa naajjuk hogaa
Sochaa naa thaa..
Diyaa to tooth gayaa
Nahi diyaa to
Bharosaa hi na thaa
I remember each time
I danced with you.
The smell of your hair
The sweat on your brow.
Your arms held out
I’d twirl into you.
A thousand times
I have heard that score.
I feel the beats
Deep within my soul.
My feet have danced
Till my toes got sore.
I want to hear our song
Just one more time.
Feel my body against yours
And dance to the tune.
Can we recreate the magic,that
Which was yours and mine.
What if you know some thing is inevitable.You prepare your self.No denial there.A little bit of anger, but mostly bargaining.Sometimes not with the circumstances but with your own emotions.Not quite sure how you will react.But you think if you are prepared,you will be in control.So you tell yourself.
And then it finally happens.It hits you in your face.Like you didn’t know it was ever going to happen.It hurts so bad you have stopped feeling the pain now.
There is no depression.Just numbness.Helpless as you feel, you have to accept and move on, because life certainly will.
My obsession with my stat counter worries me.So I took it up with another blogger who I know has been around much longer than I have.He is in pursuit of Blog Nirvana like he calls it.
So here is my story..
I was reading blogs a lot before I started my own.I happend to stumble upon a blog whose author I knew personally.To avoid making either of us uncomfortable, I never told him that I visited his blog daily and some times more than once.Actually a lot more than once.Since his was amongst the first few blogs that I had ever read, I was totaly intrigued by his links and comments and plug-ins and what have you.
One day I noticed this cube like shiny thing that was a new addition to his page.The curious me would stare at it a few times everyday.Then one day I gathered my courage and actually clicked on it.That led me to his stat counter page.A totally new world to me.I had no clue about IP addresses let alone being able to track them.I was fascinated.Hell ya I was.So fascinated that I would head directly to his stat counter before I read his new blog post.Then I was amused that my IP adress would be every second one on his list of all the people that visited him.To make sure I was still his most frequent reader, I would often check his stat counter there after.Honestly it was purely out of fascination.
It was so wrong and so out of line.I feel so bad now.Bless the poor soul.He has never mentioned anything about it to me.He probably hates me for the intrusion but we shall rest that issue for now, shall we.
So I started my own blog.Pinched off the link to my stat counter from his.Yeah and you thought by now I should have stopped visiting his stat counter.I did but much later.Incredible, I know.It was only when he started returning the favour that I realised it isn’t so much fun to have all these strange people intrude into your personal space.*cheeky grin*
Anyway, so the first few weeks it was all about checking if there was anyone except me who visted my blog.I have to admit I am responsible for quite a first few hundred hits single handedly.Slowly and surely things changed.From random people who were just blog hopping, to certain people who deliberately and dilligently came to my blog.Having, who I call my camaraderie, visit me loyally was a nice feeling indeed.
The numbers got exponential and that thrilled me immensely.Then it was about referrals.Who had linked me.What kind of traffic they were bringing my way.How blogs linked to blogs.How certain bloggers would come to my blog at a particular time of the day.How most bloggers actually only blog hop when at work.All the different companies that a lot of my co bloggers worked for.All the different countries from where people visit me.
Oh I wont even go to what google searches bring people onto my blog.It can be amusing and at the same time quite disturbing.Not just the thought that that brought them to my blog, but that they were actually looking for some thing like that.
So I happened to pour my heart out and ask if I was normal or I needed help.The little that I did tell him, he said I was perfectly normal.I so want to believe him.What do you think?
