I am nervous about my parents visiting me.Its only 2 nights and a day.I’ve already cleaned cooked.Even asked my land lady to get her act together and hoover the house.I was initially thrilled about them coming but now I am kinda disappointed about the short duration.With an invitation which promises lots of fun time with her toys and a trip to the zoo where her favourite giraffe actually says hi, I really can’t blame my parents wanting to spend more time with their granddaughter.

I have a huge blog crush.No no I didn’t say I was in love.I have a crush, on the blog, the blogger,the content, the links,the template,the well written posts, the photographs taken.I find myself drifting off to that blog everytime my mind goes blank.Its refreshing, fun, funny, informative,inspiring,thought provoking,insightful.Yes believe it or not,this blog has it all. And no don’t ask me which one, I like having my little secret.

On one of my random profile browsing sessions on Orkut ,I actually stumbled upon a guy’s profile who I have met once and spoken several times.We didn’t keep in touch, cause I felt we really had nothing in common and we both we are at very different phases in life.He is a nice bloke,but that was that.So I politely but surely told him off.Inspite of that,I couldn’t stop reading his profile through and even went on to his blog.I actually liked this person.This blog person.But I just couldn’t find the nexus between the person I met and spoke to and this person whose blog I was reading.I’m not sure whether I was amused or disturbed.

Tu jo mera na ho saka..

Yeh ehsaas kyun itna ajeeb,
Tu sun to zaraa.
Mujhe aane de kareeb,
Ek pal ke liye tham ja.
Mera na ho saka to kya,
Khush hoon..
Tu jo mere daaman ko chuu gaya..

The two trees that I have noticed change colour, contour, beauty and my mood over the last year now adorns lots of white flowers which almost looks like snow has settled.There is a tree between the two that will bear pretty pink apples in a few months from now.At the backdrop there is another tree which is the tallest and prettiest christmas tree I have ever seen.I wont see it again next christmas, but I hope another christmas I will.

Its not a beautiful sunny April morning like one would expect in the summer.Almost bordering at gloomy.A good time to do some planting as evident by the sound of the wheelbarrow doing the rounds and shovels hitting the ground in my neighbour’s garden.

Some body who doesn’t really know me, said talking to me feels like talking to an angel.Must have done some thing right.No he didn’t say I was an angel.Am definitely smiling.

Being protective is not necessarily protective.It is misconstrued for being deceptive, a liar, not to mention living in total denial.Not so drastic changes have been made in protective strategy. Withdrawal is already begining to make its presence felt.But the wrong will have to be made right.

I do have much to celebrate.My latest posession just arrived by post.Necessary the need for a new obsession to forget an old one.Start of a new chapter?After all summer is here.Time to get the skirts out.

My second home for over 4 years will finally have democracy restored.A parliament will be structured.I do hope.No one really cares.Poor, small,no oil, no war who would really care? They have opium does that matter?Or the most beautiful simple people I have ever come across.?

On a sweeter note what started off as a desperate attempt to salvage the near expiry eggs and apples, turned out to be a sumptuous breakfast for three adults.With the right heat and right size of griddle, pancakes can turn into crepes.Impulsive trips to Hampstead for sweet indulgences will no longer be required.Funny how a few rights can undo lots of wrongs.

Not making sense?Tell me about it..

Chat with P after 3/4 months.

P:WASSSUP
Me:Hi
P: What is happening.
Me:nm
P:nm?
Me: nothing much
P:So what are you doing?
Me: Studying.
P:Accha, so any plans?
Me:No.
P: So what else?
Me:Nothing really.
P:Hmm, aur kya? (What else in Hindi)
Me: Exasperation setting in..Why don’t you tell me? Whats up with you?
P:nm
Me:Hmm,Right!
Long silence
Me: listen t c I gtg..see ya
P:gtg?
Me: got to go
P:Hey did you know I am planning to go to India soon.
Me:Nice, have fun,bye now.
P:Yeah when are u coming?
Me:I doubt our plans will coincide.Hey, nice talking to you, bye.
P:No you must tell me, we should meet up..
Me:Sure, bye.
P:Oh ok looks like you are busy.Nice catching up with you..
Me:…………….

Chat with S after a week..

S:Hey there.Whats up?
Me:Hey, how are you?
Adds to yahoo messenger
S:You had deleted me from your list?
Me:Hmm..I don’t think I ever had you on my list.
S:No, you did we have chatted before..
Me:We have chatted, doesn’t mean I had you on my list.
S:Yeah thats right, you never initiate conversation.
Me:See
S:No but still I think you deleted me,how could you?
Me:It’s easy really, just one key function.
S:NOT AMUSED.
Me:I don’t have N on my list if that makes u feel any better.
S:She is your best friend..What?Why?Wait till I tell her.
Me:Go ahead, I doubt she cares.
S:Oh yeah, Im going to get back at you..
Me:She isn’t as insecure..it wont work..
Silence over 40 seconds
Me:What? are you going to hold this agaisnt me, now?
S:Signs out..

Last work out session at the gym with F (personal trainer):

F: one, two,….eighteen..
Me:This is hard work..
F:It better be.Where are you feeling it..
Me:All over Huffing puffing, You know I really think I like the weights to this aerobic kinda thing.
F:Oh really you do,lets to go to the weights room.
Looks around, temple like serenity, seven brutes pumping iron, periodic grunting sounds.
Me:I don’t think I belong here..Shall we take the weights out?
F:Amused look..Toes tucked under the bar, knees bent,chest straight, back out, wide grip,move bar close to body, to the count of 15.One, two..
Me:Err umm..you know when I said weights I meant those little dumbelli things that fit into my palm..see those red and purple ones ….
F:Ignores me three, four…5 million?..

A crisp early morning.Joggers,sporting their music, no other care in the world.Summer must be here.

First tube to depart from the station.Fresh news off the paper.Really?

A sprawling entrance.Automatic doors.An arcade.Fresh flowers.Office goers in the usual hurry scurry, coffees in hand and sporting their badges by that familiar blue.This must be it.

Lost, found.A grand round.A gastroenterologist who insists on finding an abdo correlation for a brain tumor.Specialists.

A well known battle ground.Several wounded.Many critical.Non productive temperaments. Comes with the territory.Tired.Hassled.Lost.Depressed.Please don’t give up on me now,I have tried really hard.

Eight hours later.Break.Bathroom break even nicer.Coffee,sandwich a boon.Coffee shop on the first floor.Wonder if M could be tracked.Its been a year since we last worked here together.

5 more hours to go.Will survive.Always have.

14 hours down.Frozen brain.Tired toes.Stiff body.No blunders commited.A happy soldier.
If you can’t help atleast don’t cause any harm.

Should do this more often.I love my job.

Have I sold my soul?
I am doing exactly what I would condemn if another did albeit a few years ago.

Desperate?
I miss you.I know I said I never would.But I do.

Deviant?
Expecting me to be coy? You have no idea what liberation means.Its a pity how you add no shock value, and the things that make you run for your life.

Judgemental?
I refuse to acknowledge your act, even your apology.It’s obvious you lack integrity.No,it’s not ok but I don’t want to be the one to tell you.

Lacking conviction of my opinion?
I see your point of view.I don’t agree with you .An argumentative discussion seems pointless.

Looney?
I enjoy what we share.Except it isn’t what I wanted.My affection is genuine.I don’t live a pretence.

Materialistic?
I dream, I aspire,I want,I barely need.

Self-centered?
I look out for you.I can’t be bothered to let you know though, and only I seem to know it.

Spineless?
Things aren’t quite working out for us.I refuse to blame the system.I blame our short sightedness.

Lacking devotion?
I don’t need you.I like you.That is why I am with you.I will never ask or tell you.It is a choice I have made.

Passsionless?
I want you to be with me because you want to.I wont fight for you.You will always be free to make your own choices.I will never question you.

Come on over.Judge me.Watch me care two hoots about you.

This is what winning must feel like.
Didn’t know if I had the strenght,
But wanted to break free.
Hopes, desires, yearnings,
Confusions, confessions.
Wanting my place,in the unknown deeper corners.
Difficult path to tread upon,
No doubt.
But then simple, life has never been.
Faith in my convictions,
Fighting one odd against another.
Step by step,
I come closer to my goal.
My happiness knows no bound,
This is what winning must feel like.
I come face to face,
With those very unknown corners
that I have yearned for so long.
Only to see another,beat me
To the very place that I belong.

All the male bashing I have been doing the past few weeks has been making me feel quite guilty.I don’t think however that I can be blamed.I have met some of the nicest people in the world.With such high standards for comparison , I know I am very spoilt when it comes to men.Hence I felt like recounting some of my male friends who have come to mean a lot to me.

SS: We have been friends since we were 3. We started pre-school together and were inseparable till he got to the age when he thought girls are the yuckiest thing in world.We must have tided over that stage well as we are still very close to each other.A sportsman, a musician, a poet, an artist, a devoted son and a loving friend.I don’t hear from him often, but I know I am still the first to know anything that is worth knowing about him at all.He has recently anounced his enagagement.With all that he has gone through in his life, he truly deserves this new found happiness.

MB:My teenage friend and romance.My only friend who has confessed his love to me,as in say those three words every girl yearns to hear.No hints no letters no non-sense.Just the truth.A very precious moment of my teen years.Bless his sweet heart.Intelligence, talent, a pure heart,patience,love and persistence.I don’t know what I did to deserve him in my life.We manage to catch up whenever we get the chance like nothing has changed between us.The affection he exudes keeps me very warm indeed.

SK:My senior in med school.Was introduced to me through a common friend, and we hit it off instantly.He is a typical ‘Raj’ (SRK fame) kinds Punjabi from Amritsar.Having seen the worst in life on several fronts, his passion for life, and faith in god are unfazed.He is my 3 am friend.His wife also my senior from college only compliments the wonderful person that he is.Currently he is pursuing his residency in internal medicine in United States and totally fretting about his status change into a father that can happen anytime now.

MF:My med school buddy,friend, confidante, sanity keeper.I can safely say, the most prominent influence in my life.I doubt I would have survived medical school without him.We fought so much, its a wonder we didn’t kill each other.Couldn’t live with him, couldn’t live without him.A heart of gold,loyal,passionate,hard working, sportsperson,fantastic doctor,love for the finer things in life.This man knows how to live his life to the fullest.The only person till date who can understand what I am saying without me having to repeat myself twice.He has spent hours listening to me speak fast and lots, really lots. I miss our long conversations and believe it or not I miss our fights too.Majored in sports medicine, I am sure he is earning pots of money in some exotic corner of this world.

While I am at it I want to make a mention of AV.Peculiar this one.I guess that is what I like about him.He goes out on a limb to prove to me that I don’t know him and I would tend to agree.Inspite of that we can spend hours on end chatting,when we have nothing better to do.I have not yet felt the need to make any sense of our conversations.He is the kind of person you can be your own true self and feel very happy about it. I feel very liberated in his company.A man of few words, he can keep you in splits of laughter almost all the time.He is one of the very few people who has almost never patronised me for being a doctor.Its easy to open up to him and voice your worst fears.He so easliy makes them go away.He is also the kind who seems to get very embarassed when you say one earnestly meant good thing about him.Ah well you are a really lovable person,learn to live with it.

Lots of peope have touched my life.Even made significant difference.Been there at my turning point, and then gone their own way.I have come to realise that each one has their purpose.Them walking away from me is only due to a reason.So enjoy what you have, I say.It ain’t coming back.

A few days ago or was it weeks, Wbix tagged me to scribble out my worst and best dates.I have been having a really hard to time to pin down bad dates let alone be able to make fun of them.

I think its more to do with the fact, that I completely take the onus upon me to make an evening enjoyable.Awkward silences don’t creep up, because I usually have enough and more stories to keep the conversation flowing.Eating out never becomes an issue because I can eat anything under the sun,trust me on that I can.I have even tried half formed baby duck eggs. Beat that.I even enjoy a day out hiking, after all, it does get the adrenal pumping.I also end up footing the entire bill a lot of times, happily at that.I think I am a very cool person to hang out with.I am so full of my self right now.*angelic smile*

Sounds like I have a serious problem here.I don’t quite know how to be a damsel.At the end of it, I enjoy making the most of my evening, irrespective with whom I am.So here is what I am going to do for the Tag.I am going to recount my best/most memorable date and then point out a few things that made me wonder whether indeed men come from Mars.I think I am allowed that.This is my space innit?!*

I was introduced to A by some family friends.After an initial email, we didn’t really keep in touch.Till one day out of the blue, he initiated conversation.I replied which only became a series of emails and then regular phone calls.You know how it usually happens.

We hit it off well, and decided to meet up.I had a blast of an evening.I was enamoured by how clued in he was during our conversations.The location, the timing, the venue,the menu, the sequence of events.Everything told me he was actually listening to what I must have told him during one of our many conversations.He had planned an evening, making sure we did some of the things I had only hoped I would, before I left London.

To top it all he was an absolute riot.All we did that evening was talk eat drink and laugh,and laugh lots.Inspite of being in the last trains, we weren’t happy that our evening of more than 7 hours was cut short due to London Tube time tables.It was a perfect evening.

Have I told you how cool I am or have you figured that out already?!

I don’t have issues with ‘my man’ still hanging out with his ex.Asking her to join ‘us’ for lunch with a 4 year old son that they share however isn’t all that cool methinks.Especially if that is when I find out that they do in fact share a child between them.

I enjoy plays and theatre.You say you do too.The moment you start looking for pop corn in one I know you have never stepped into a theatre.No need to lie,it doesn’t leave you all that cool now does it?

You are a sports buff you say.You have never watched a football game for real, inspite of being an ardent fan of the game.No problem. You don’t enjoy cricket.Am still cool.You ridicule my game.That will not be tolerated.I have watched Chelsea play, because I support them.HA!.Where is your passion mate?

You make me pay for you, I don’t mind.Four outings in a row,gets me thinking?You invite a friend and still expect me to foot the bill..HMMPHH?!!!

An evening out with me means an evening out with me.It doesn’t mean a counselling session over that friend you are ‘fond’ of who has left you long ago to lead her own life.It shouldn’t take for me to tell you that you are in love with your ‘friend’, in complete denial, not to mention totally unfair to me.

Jerks!..

*Innit is a very colloquial term used for Is it not.I used to think only Gujrati population use it here, but now I know even the British population do so.Oh and I royally detest the sound of it.