A new person, a different life.
All new and happening.
A life way more interesting than my own.
Busy times and some decisions later, we lose touch.
I don’t lose track.Instead I meet new people from that life.
Get introduced and a peep into the lives of some of the most amazing group of people I have ever known.
I actually think I’ve made some awesome friends there.
They have shown me different levels of conviction,determination,focus,motivation,ability to live life to its fullest.
Their trying times has seen me tensed,nervous and praying.
I am amused at my own degree of involvement.
I am happy,they have conquered.
I am sad it is going to end.

I doubt they will ever know how much they have affected my life, without even being in it. Funny how life turns out.

So she is the girl’s(anyone’s) best friend kind.Always there.Always the first one to know.Always up for coffee.Hell she is as sweet as the coffee.She can turn bitter, only to stimulate those neurons like they haven’t been in a few days.The tingling that reminds you that you are alive.You like her presence.She makes you feel warm.Cared for.Loved.She makes you gentle,calm, composed.There is something to look out for.The sun looks brighter, the rain romantic.There is no pain, because she knows how to take the pain away.She has a knack of making things better.She makes life worth it.I doubt there is any life without her.

He is the best friend every girl (one) should have.You know he loves you, even if he doesn’t show it.He cares, hence he is around.He always comes back, even when you think he never will.He supports you, even in his absence.You feel his presence around, though you might not be able to see him.He makes you uncomfortable, when he looks straight at you.He often reminds you of your limits.And you hate him for it, because you really want to let lose.He doesn’t let you.He is the one you can depend on to knock some sense into you.It hurts alright, but you love him for it.Its because of him, you hold you head high.You do the right thing.You maintain you dignity.Its because of him, you are a stronger better person.You can face the world,even when he is not holding your hand.

And no this post isn’t for you,or because of you, and the difficult conversations that we have finally had.I was referring to Hope and Closure..

I get these really bad tummy pains.If I had to average the incidence,I would say once in 5 years.I so distincty remember each attack.Because of their bizzare timing,I have no clue why I get them.I have put it down to stress.Yeah,stress doesn’t get to me that often.*A very smug smile*

Medical school.Third year.Early morning class.I (always a first bencher ), just had to walk out of it.I was getting one of my gastritis attacks again.I knew I couldn’t endure the pain and the painful lecture.My best friend,(always a last bencher ) dashed right after me.Later he confessed, he thought I looked like a ghost and he knew some thing was wrong.He just had to check on me.Awwe, how much I loved him for it.

I remember arguing with him,that I didnt want to go to the Emergency doctors.Those doctors I tell ya.You just can’t trust them.No I wouldn’t see a one.Oh, I shouldn’t get stated what I really think of these ‘twits’.Tried convincing him that I would be fine,if he could just get me to my room.

I must have passed out on him.Because when I got up.I was not in my room.He was sitting right next to me.His head in his hands, I think he was crying.I remember wondering,if I was dead.I didn’t feel dead,so why did he look so glum?

When I caught his attention,I got abused.He was so angry.I don’t really know what brought on that reaction.I was almost sorry for him, that I had had a bad tummy ache.He was angry,as I refused to go to the doctors.Upset,that I didn’t tell him I was feeling unwell.Irritated,at my arrogance of not wanting to ask for help.He just kept going on.After 10 minutes of listening to him,I assured him I was feeling better.Yeah! Thanks for asking dude..

After a while,he broke down.He said that this was his best friend he was talking about, and he couldn’t do anything.He was angry that I refused help.He got scared, when he saw me pass out.Worst still he didn’t know what to do.He felt studying medicine was a farce, cause he was sure his grand mother would know better.

Trying to suppress my laughter,I tried to understand his outburst.I couldn’t.I did tease him the rest of our school life, that he had taken the concept of best friends a bit too far.The pain was mine, but the tears were his, became my favourite cliche..

It has taken me some time to realise that, he wasn’t angry with me but himself.He could see me in pain, but I didn’t let him help.He wanted to do some thing to ease my pain,but couldn’t.Not knowing what to do,frustrated him.He wasn’t sure of what was happening,and that scared him.Probably for the first time in 22 years of his life he faced the truth,that there are things beyond his control.That no matter how much he wanted to, he probably couldn’t do anything.That may be he was losing control.That this was the first of many times he would feel helpless.I doubt how he felt was nice.

Over this weekend, a friend of mine has been unwell.When he needs his health most, he has a small issue of a sore throat.In this time of huge stress, it can only get flared up and be most distressing.Even after giving him my best medical advice he doesn’t feel any better.Saying that I felt a tad bit helpless when he told me he felt worse would be very harsh.But what I felt wasn’t nice at all.

Bummer!!..

An old friend lost.Unsent messages.Musings over the day.A new friend made.An exam to take.Unanswered calls.Calling my parents.Unwilling to love.Funny conversations over chat.A conversation not made.Loss of a friend.Dinner at home.Loss of faith.An old friend found.An exam passed.Unwilling to hate.Hope time will take care of it.

Was an interesting day yesterday.Was it really me living it?

Hi
Hi
We need to..
Do we?
Yes
Ok
I am
What?
What?
How
How?
Ok
Ok?
What do you..?
I want to..?
Are you sure?
Yes I am
Im scared?
You?
I am sorry
So am I..

Go figure!

I’ve just visited Atul Sabnis’ post.And he makes a very relevant point.
He makes a lot of points, most of which don’t make sense to me, and I am always left in deep thought.It is that food for the soul,which makes me want to go back to his blog everyday.

I hope all those of you who visit my blog, do take a minute or 2 depending on your reading speed, to read this entry on his blog.

Hmm, not just read it but make an attempt too.
Everyone one on my blogroll is Tagged.

Tagged by Atul Sabnis:

Four Jobs I have had:
I haven’t.I have worked as a junior doctor and will continue to do so for some time to come.Do different hospitals and specialities count?

Four movies I could watch over and over:
Anand
Golmaal
Sound of Music
You’ve got mail

Four places I’ve lived:
Mumbai,India
Pokhara,Nepal
Epsom,England
London,England

Four TV Shows I love to watch:
CSI:Crime Scene Investigation
Law and Order
The Practice
Without a Trace

Four places I’ve been on vacation to:
Bangkok,Thailand
Chicago, Milwaukee, USA
Colombo,Kalluthara,Sri Lanka
Edinburgh,Glasgow,Scotland

Four of my favourite foods:
Chicken curry made by yours truly.
Parathas stuffed or even plain with dahi and achar.
Pizza, anywhere any how.
Upma, please don’t tell me that is a snack and not food.I live by it.

Four places I’d rather be right now:
Home
Florence
Paris
The Inca Trail

Four sites I visit Daily:
bbc.co.uk
doctors.net.uk
medocuk.blogspot.com
kaptest.com

Four bloggers I am Tagging:
Dwaipayan
Echoes
Mirch Masala
Rohit Talwar

Enjoy!!

So my parents are away this weekend attending my cousin’s wedding. They are definitely having a ball while I struggle my balls out here..if that is at all possible.

3 years ago, this cousin came visiting from Hong Kong or where ever he was and I very generously gave him tips on how to score with women.Looks like they have worked for him.I am genuinely happy.

The family wanted a wedding.They got one.And yet I feel all eyes,fingers and whatever else they can point at me pointing towards me, like I have commited a crime.Just because the wedding isn’t mine.

Everytime my mother goes on an emotionally black mailing roll about me ’settling in life’, I know some relatives have paid a visit.I know the trend so well that now I know exactly when to avoid calling home.

What is this with settling?What does it really mean?Why is it so important for our parents to see us with some one.I have often asked my parents why they think it is important me to be with a man?They were so exasperated with my questions that one time my dad said it is ok with us if you want to be with a woman.*HMPH*

My mother thinks its about security,financial and emotional I guess.But I am financially independant.Emotionally secure.I pride in my friendships that have lasted me more than a decade.I know for a fact that I will have people love me till the end of my life, hell to the end of theirs even.And really is there anything like security, guarantees?Is that why we seek companionship?

Recently I got chatting with an old school friend and she was recounting some incidents in school She said having a boy friend was the thing to be done.How come I missed on knowing that.How come I didnt think it was important.If anything I thought it was below my dignity to be called some one’s girl friend.A part of me still thinks that.Giving away my own identity to be known as some one else’s girl friend.I cringe at the thought.

By the time I started figuring out that may be it would be nice to be with some one..which primarily for me meant.. a room mate, whose company I could enjoy, indulge in indulgences and having a travel companion..all these new words like compatibilty, chemistry and bells ringing in the ears were introduced.

I don’t know what bells ring.I have never heard any?Have you?I do wonder these people so foolishly in love,did they ever hear anything?How do they know this person that they are with is the right person?How do they know that 10 years down the line they will still want to be that person.

We are all constantly changing.I don’t recognise me from 10 years ago.I used to be a different person then,I am a different person now.Times change, people change.Then why do we think its important for us to know a person before we can commit?And no matter how much you know a person will you ever really get to know them.How much do we know ourselves?

And what is with commitment.I can’t commit to swimming lessons most times.What is with commiting to another human being altogether.And then again what is the sanctity of that commitment.What are we commiting to..life time love, security, I will always be there for you.That is such a farce.Can we always be there for people?

Come Tuesday, I know I’m in for another big emotional run down from my mother.I can understand where she is coming from.But just when I have my life defining exams she wants some of my life definitions from me.All in good time I have promised her.For now..I have my latest theory on Indian alliances.

Average life span of an Indian woman is longer than the avearge life span for an Indian male.
I have nearly lived my half life span, and well I might add. I shall spend the next few precious years looking for a man to live with for the remainder of my life span.But he will die before me.So before I know it I am going to be alone again.Is this entire rigmarole of finding someone, commiting,settling and watch him leave me anyway worth all that effort?

What do you reckon, will she buy it?

A death,some tearful days, then dispersion.
All it takes is to leave one’s comfortable nest.
You learn how to spread your wings and fly.

A family member leaves home in pursuit of his goals.
All it takes is his continual absence in my life,to make me realise what my family means to me.
A little distance may not be such a bad thing,it can get people close.

Nepal,understanding the idea of win some lose some.
All it takes is a life changing experience to realise what my identity means to me.
My name,my passport,my principles.Stamped and endorsed.

UK, professional and personal development continues.
All it takes is some professional/personal disapppointments,occupational hazzards and a strong support system from least expected corners to realise that religious and national boundaries are just ugly inflicted lines.
Love scarce,survival tough,life unpredictable and yet we don’t appreciate what we have.

Realisations,changing beliefs, convictions,strentgh,determination,broken boundaries.
All it takes is a Hindi movie in a London cinema hall, to realise who am I kidding.
I miss my nest and I want to go home.